


A story of brides and grooms

by Despisywrites



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Grantaire x Courf is just a one time thing I promise, Happy children growing into barely functioning adults, Multi, Trans Enjolras, no beta we die like barricade boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:14:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29002053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Despisywrites/pseuds/Despisywrites
Summary: Grantaire still recalls the day he told the love of his life they were soulmates. He also recalls going back to her house three days later to find it empty. He recalls his entire life falling to pieces afterwards.About 20 years later he finds himself in his usual bar in Paris just minding his own business when suddenly a very pretty stranger shows up and Grantaire could swear he remembered these eyes from somewhere... if he just had the chance to somehow get closer...
Relationships: Combeferre/Courfeyrac (Les Misérables), Courfeyrac/Grantaire, Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables), Joly/Bossuet Laigle/Musichetta
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Just popping in real quick to say a few things before we get going!
> 
> Important stuff first: I will mention trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter, so make sure to read them! Please tell me if I forgot anything so I can correct it as soon as possible, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable!
> 
> Secondly, this is the first time I post anything on here, so I have like... absolutely no clue how all of this works. Also, English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry about grammar mistakes here and there :(
> 
> Thanks to everyone who decided to give this crappy lil fic a chance! 
> 
> !!Trigger warnings: Depression (implied)

“I don’t own shirts so we both have to be the bride.”

“That’s okay,” laughed the boy with the wild, dark curls while sinking deeper into the silky cushions of the big four-poster bed. He ran his hands along the pattern of the soft, pink blanket and eyed the surrounding curtains, which were tied to each of the posts with white ribbons, with amazement in his green eyes. “I always wanted to try on a dress!”

“You’re a boy, you can’t want that!” The small girl turned her pretty face towards him, her shiny golden hair framing it like a halo from an ancient painting and her small, pink lips parted a little bit in confusion.

“No one actually cares for that.” The boy shrugged and closed his eyes. He heard the girl rustling through her clothes again.

“My parents do! They would never let me wear pants or t-shirts like those you have,” she said. She sounded offended and he thought that was utterly cute.

He laughed a little and jumped back on his feet in one swift motion. “I think your parents are way too uptight. You can’t wear pants, you’re not allowed to talk to boys, everything in your room has to be pink-“

“Shh, can you please make less noise? If anyone notices you are here, we will both get into trouble!” she eyed him with her icy blue eyes for a moment more, then turned back once again. “Also, my room is pink because I want it to!” she added snappishly. She was clearly becoming upset with her forbidden visitor.

He ignored her second statement and grinned a little. “I can’t get into trouble because your parents don’t know my name and you can’t tell it to them either!”

“They can find it out,” she murmured quietly.

“Seriously? What’s the whole point of the we can’t know each other’s names thing then?!” he ran his hands through his hair, growing frustrated.

“It’s about the mystery, R! As if we were in a fairytale!” She turned back to him and when she noticed him pouting at her in an overexaggerated way she giggled a little. She had a long, white summer dress and another short and flouncy one in her hands.

“Yes, that is exactly what I imagined!” grinned the boy and when he found his way out of his sleeves to slip out of his shirt the girl squeaked and turned around.

“You can’t take your clothes off in front of a girl, that’s not polite!” she gasped while clasping her small, rosy hands over her eyes as if she was scared to see anything even with her back turned.

“It isn’t?” He laughed and picked the summer dress up from the fuzzy carpet on which she had dropped it. The girl didn’t bother to answer his question with any more than a quiet yet unbelievably cute huff.

A few frustrated grunts and getting stuck several times later the boy finally made it into the dress and tapped the girls’ shoulder.

“I’m done, it’s your turn now!”

“Fine, but you have to look away,” she grabbed his shoulders with an unexpected strength, which had probably been intended affectionately yet it hurt him a little.

He laughed and brushed her hands off. “Ouch, fine, I won’t see a thing, promise.”

Instead of turning away he held his hands up in front of his eyes until he heard the rustling of fabric fade away, then he put his hands down hoping to catch one last glimpse while the other one was adjusting her clothes.

To his disappointment she was already standing there, looking at him with crossed arms and eyes full of expectation.

“Can we start then?” She seemed almost impatient.

“Whenever you’re ready,” he said, then he looked around until his eyes caught a tiny, glittery box on a small table with a mirror on it. Inside were some shiny items.

He walked over to it, the light and soft dress feeling tingly on his legs, and picked a ring out of the box.

It was small and golden with a sparkling white diamond on top. Judging his surroundings, the huge four-poster bed, the windowfront giving away a perfect view of the huge garden which was filled with roses and perfectly round cut bushes, the sandstone houses of the neighborhood and the expensive looking dresses on both of their bodies, there was no doubt the diamond in his hand was real.

He made his way back to her as fast the legs of his six year old body could go without tripping and cleared his throat, his chin high.

The girl giggled nervously and ran a hand through her curls, looking up at him through her long, golden lashes.

There was a short, awkward silence and she blinked at him. “Go on, make your proposal,” she said with a coy smile.

He felt his cheeks redden and cleared his throat again, then quickly sunk down on one knee and held up his hands in between which the ring was cold against his skin.

“Will you marry me, E?” He opened his hands like a small shell and grinned a little awkwardly.

“Of course!” She smiled widely and her entire face lit up like the sun. Her cheeks went a beautiful, rosy pink, completely unlike the blotchy, dark red R's cheeks had become at this point.

He picked the ring up from his palm and slid it on her middle finger on which it fit best.

He got back to his feet and met her smile with a wide grin of his own. “Now you may kiss the bride,” he said, closing his eyes and pursing his lips invitingly.

“No! I never kissed anyone…” she murmured and the boy blinked at her in confusion.

“What? But we’re married now, you must!” he said and she bit her lip, looking to the side seemingly ashamed.

“Okay okay… but only once!” she finally gave in after they just stared at each other for a few seconds, the icy blue of her eyes meeting the mossy green of his’.

He smiled in satisfaction and closed his eyes again until he felt a tiny peck on his lips. He sighed and held his eyes closed for a little while longer until he finally blinked at her again.

“See, it wasn’t _that_ bad, was it?” he asked amusedly and she shook her head, her cheeks now even redder than before. Her eyes were fixed on the ground with an obvious trace of shame in them.

He made his way out of the dress again and she turned away once more. He gazed over to her and noticed how she stepped with one of her feet onto the other constantly. She seemed nervous.

R just shrugged and slipped back into his pants, leaving the dress a mess on the floor.

“R, can I ask you something?” she asked quietly while she sat down on her bed, finally looking back at him.

“Sure, whatever,” he laid down next to her and spread himself out.

“Are we soulmates?”

“What does that mean?” He laughed quietly and rolled his eyes.

She bit her lip and smiled shyly again. “It means that you will always be with me no matter what happens.” She gazed at him with her beautiful, sparkling eyes. No one could have resisted that look.

“Of course! I thought we just settled that,” he said a little abrupt and ran a hand through his scruffy curls again.

“I just wanted to be sure. Something weird is going on lately,” she sighed and let herself sink down into the cushions next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder for just a few seconds.

He looked at her and tilted his head questioningly. What did she mean by that?

She didn’t say anything, just smiled at him with her beautiful pink lips for a little and then sat back up. “Its dinner time soon, you should leave. My parents could call me any moment.”

He nodded and jumped back to his feet.

“Will you visit again on Sunday?” she asked with an innocent smile, walking over to the window and opening it for him.

“Sunday? That’s three days, can’t I come tomorrow?” He asked, feeling kind of disappointed. He knew it wasn’t her fault, yet he felt as if she didn’t want to see him this soon again.

“My parents said we were going on a trip, I’m sorry.” She pouted at him as he slipped out of the window onto a small balcony.

“Okay, then I’ll see you on Sunday,” he sighed, but with a smile.

“See you then,” she smiled and watched him climb the banister, then crawl onto a thick branch of an old chestnut tree and from there slowly make his way down the trunk.

She waved at him and he blew her a kiss once he was standing on the ground, watching her giggle behind the now closed window.

He turned away, checked if anyone saw him and then sprinted to the garden fence, over which he climbed in one swift motion.

While walking home he whistled to himself, pausing occasionally when he spotted a weed crawling up through cracks in the concrete or to inspect a ladybug sitting on a rusty fence.

In his imagination he was the king of his own world, the plants obeyed his wishes and the pedestrians bowed to him before continuing their walks, and now he even had a beautiful queen at his side.

He imagined every man walking by looking at him in jealousy and the women of his court breaking into whispers about the girl who managed to win over his heart, about her beauty and her wits and her golden hair.

He felt like nothing could stop him anymore. He was mighty and his pride was like a sparkling ruby, vibrant and unapproachable.

He made it home in half an hour. The houses where he was now weren’t big anymore, not made of sandstone with huge gardens kept in shape by several gardeners each. They were small, out of red stone, most gardens were overgrown, weeds sprouting out the gaps in between the stones leading to the front door.

He made his way up to one of these houses. There was a bench underneath one of the windows at the front, on which he liked to sit on sunny days and just dream the day away.

The door was wooden and looked old, it had probably been opened and closed by many generations. The lock was a little jammed, his parents were always able to get through, but he just wasn’t able to turn the key right to enter his very own castle.

So, he got up on his tiptoes and pressed his finger down hard on the button until he heard the faint ringing of the doorbell inside of the house.

While waiting he stepped from one foot to another, biting his lip as he always did when his mind was filled with excitement, and grinning almost as much as a real newlywed would.

A woman opened, her long, frizzy curls were tied back into an untidy ponytail. If he hadn’t known this woman was his mother, he would have rather thought her to be his grandmother. Her eyes were tired, her hair already greying even though she was only in her thirties.

“’Taire, where have you been? We were worried sick,” she said with her quiet voice and gestured him in, quickly closing the door behind him.

“I was with my girlfriend mama! We are married now!” the little boy grinned, slipping out of his shoes and practically throwing them on the small shoe mat he had all for himself. There were little cat faces printed on a blue background on it.

“Would you please tell us next time when you’re out?” She asked, rubbing her eyes with one hand.

She probably has one of her headaches again, ‘Taire thought, and promptly became quiet. He didn’t like it when she was in this mood. He wanted to make her happy but he didn’t know how, so he just quietly went to hug her.

“I’m sorry mama, I won’t worry you and papa again, I promise,” he mumbled, his smile had vanished from his face. He knew how his mother could be when she had her moments and he knew he had to be as careful as possible then.

She patted her sons head softly. “Thank you. There is food in the kitchen if you are hungry.”

She then proceeded to slip out of the little boys grasp and disappear back into the living room. He looked after her for a second, then put his smile back on his face, even though it seemed a little less bright than before.

He put some of the cooled off casserole from the kitchen on a plate and took it with him to the living room. In front of the door he stopped and listened. Even though both his parents were inside, it was completely quiet. Not a good sign. So, he turned on the spot and took his cold food into his room.

He didn’t want to interfere with whatever was going on this time.

He hated being in a situation he had no solution for. It made him feel helpless and weak, it felt as if someone was reaching right into his chest squeezing his lungs so he couldn’t breathe anymore.

He sat there and drew pictures of his fair-haired angel all evening, which he would normally have presented to his parents, but today he kept them to himself. Maybe tomorrow would be better.

It wasn’t.

The tightened mood in his house kept on getting worse and at some point, all ‘Taire did was laying in bed waiting for the time to pass.

When Sunday finally came, he told his parents he would be going for some hours, slipped into his shoes and practically ran back to E’s place. He needed this now, he needed to see the girl he was with, because only that could bring some cheer back into him. He knew this was the only way. After three days of silence in his home, nothing but the suffocating quiet all around, he finally got back out.

When he arrived at the big house with its shimmering windowfronts and big trees in the front he didn’t feel as relieved as he thought he would be. It felt weird being here all of a sudden, wrong even, as if he just entered a place where nothing was that would normally have moved him to enter.

It felt… cold.

He ran towards the chestnut tree he had used before to climb up to E’s window, but even before having made his first step up he caught a glimpse of the inside of the house.

Where normally all the polished and shimmering pieces of furniture had been placed in an almost perfectionistic seeming way, there was just the ground and the white wallpaper left. The only thing still in the room were the flowy white curtains framing the window from the inside.

‘Taires heart dropped.

Faster than ever, he climbed the tree and made his way to the little balcony, not allowing the last tiny bit of hope inside him to die just yet.

The room of the golden-haired angel was just as empty as the room below it. No sparkles or pink cushions, mirrors or neatly organized desks anymore. Only the wooden floorboards which had been mostly hidden under a fuzzy carpet and the flowery paper on the wall.

He let himself sink down on the banister, staring into the room.

So it had been true. There had been something strange going on.

Now R was there, tears starting to roll down his reddened cheeks, and E was gone. R knew she was gone; he knew she wouldn’t come back no matter what he did. He didn’t even know her name.

A part of him shattered right then and there on the lonely balcony of the abandoned house. The next part would follow soon after and then the next and then the next until there was barely anything left worth saving.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!Trigger warnings: Drunkenness, suicide (mentioned), attempted suicide (mentioned), abuse (mentioned), violence (mentioned), misgendering  
> (Every one of these said to be "mentioned" is just thrown in on a side note, like 6 or 7 words. There are no graphic descriptions of these ones and they are no active topic of the chapter!)

20 and a half years later a man calling himself Grantaire sat down on his usual bench, in his usual bar, in his usual city, ordering his usual drink. He looked at himself in the reflection of the glass before him, the wild brown curls, the unshaved stubble on his face and the bags under his eyes.

His appearance carried all the scars his former life had given him, mentally as well as physically.

He didn’t know when exactly he had stopped to care. Was it when he came back to blinking blue lights surrounding his home? When his father told him a day after that his mother would not come home from the hospital? Or when the lights were back the second time to get his father too who had tried to starve himself? Was it when he moved in with his grandparents who locked him in the basement when he dropped a bowl in the kitchen? When he got his nose broken by the boys at school? Or when he left the house of his grandparents at age 17 with nothing but a handful of money stolen from them to live on his own in Paris?

He took a sip of the spicy fluid inside the glass, it burned on his insides all the way down. It felt as if it wanted to burn all the memories straight out of his flesh.

It was all exactly as usual; nothing could have gotten him to the idea that something unusual would happen only hours from then.

So Grantaire sat there, looking around the room, watching the people coming in and out. There were only few of them, it was still early in the afternoon and the sun was only starting to sink beneath the Parisian skyline.

About an hour and a few drinks later two people burst through the door, the first ones to actively catch Grantaire’s attention.

The first to enter was a man with few striking physical details about him. His skin had a brown shade that was neither very bright nor very dark, he was of medium height and medium build. His eyes were dark, his nose was a little arched and when he took off the seemingly self-knitted blue hat he had been wearing his bald head became visible. The man following him seemed a little younger than him, but not too much. His hair was black and his eyes dark, yet they had a joyful spark in them. This one was leaning the little weight he had on a cane that had colorful stickers all over it while giggling and showing his pearly white teeth, which were the only hint that his skin had even a little color left in it. He was unsettlingly pale, especially during winter.

The two came right over and Grantaire waved lazily. “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for about an hour, today is boys night!” he said a little sullenly.

The smaller one seated himself next to him, running one small, bony hand through his thick bangs. “We know, we know, but Bossuet was sure he knew a shortcut and I once again made the mistake to trust him,” he chuckled and the man he was referring to sat down on the chair adverse to them.

“Listen, Joly, I literally went the exact same way last week and it worked just fine! I don’t know why we ended up in that angry man’s backyard,” he laughed, leaning back and slipping out of his jacket.

Joly rolled his eyes with a fond smile and stole Grantaire’s glass right out of his hand when he tried to bring it up to his lips.

“Why didn’t Chetta come along? She said she’d give back my jacket this time,” Grantaire asked with a raised eyebrow.

“She said she wanted to leave the boys night to the boys,” Bossuet shrugged after he finally collected himself from laughing.

Grantaire chuckled, stealing his glass back. “She’s manlier than all of us combined, if someone deserves to participate in boys night it’s her.”

“That is kinda true,” Joly admitted after a short pause, then began to laugh again. “Imagine her with a beard!”

“No thanks, I kind of like our girlfriend beard-less,” Bossuet chuckled, ordering drinks for Joly and himself as a waiter passed by.

Joly giggled a little longer, then cleared his throat. “So, my fellow men, what is the agenda for this lovely evening?”

“First step: get drunk. Round one was on me last time, its Joly’s turn today. Then we will see what our brains come up with. Let’s maybe not spray paint my name on the church this time though, I don’t wanna do all that annoying paperwork afterwards again.“

“That is very understandable.“ Bossuet nodded, visibly trying to remember what exactly happened that night.

None of them were really able to recall. They had been way too wasted. Grantaire was the only one who still remembered snippets of it. They only realized their big mistake once Joly passed said church on the way to the hospital where he worked and sent them a picture with the caption “we fucked up“.

They spent the first two hours of the evening doing exactly what Grantaire had supposed in the first step, watching people enter and leave again until eventually more and more people started staying, sitting down at tables in smaller groups and ordering food and drinks.

They watched these people with growing interest while playing silly games and whispering about everything and everyone just like high school girls during lunch break. They were all very accepting people without prejudices, yet they made a big show about presenting their most judging expressions to the world whenever an unknown figure appeared in their domain.

Two hours later the door opened yet another time. It was pitch dark outside now and judging by the cold gust of air filling the room it had gotten even colder than it had been during the day.

Joly was quick to react to the opening door, quicker than would have been normal in his current soberness status. Even before the stranger appeared in the opened doorway, he already rammed his elbow into Grantaire’s ribs, pointed at the open doorway and said, louder than appropriate: “Grantaire, Grantaire, smash or pass at whoever comes in now!”

A face appeared in the doorway, round and beaming with joy, framed by brown curls with pink color in them that was about halfway grown out. It was a boy, probably in his twenties, with an aura like the sun and the body of a goddess.

“Smaaaaash,” Grantaire said. He didn’t care that the entire pub including the person stepping in had heard both – Joly’s loud question as well as Grantaire’s just as loud answer. A cocky grin appeared on the boys rosy red lips and he winked at him. Bossuet whistled cheekily.

The boy turned back towards the door, holding it open for two more people to enter, apparently his friends, and Grantaire watched with growing interest. He had never seen these people around.

Following him through the door was a tall man with dark skin and glasses framing his friendly eyes and another person which made Grantaire’s glass almost fall out of his hand.

Maybe it was the hazy state of his mind, but he was convinced an angel had just appeared in front of his eyes.

The person entering the room last was smaller than the second one, with fair skin and golden locks falling to his shoulders. Even from the distance Grantaire could see his eyes, bluer than the cloudless sky of a hot summer day. There was something so familiar in these eyes… He radiated such an energy the entire room immediately seemed to be filled with a static as if a lightning was just about to hit.

When he slipped out of his dark red coat each of his movements seemed calculated. Grantaire’s eyes stuck to the perfect, marble white arch where his neck just started connecting to his shoulders and he took a quick breath when he noticed he had stopped doing just that for at least half a minute.

“I would like to repeat that statement one more time,” Grantaire announced, quietly this time, so only his friends could hear it. “Oh, now you have to choose, R!” Bossuet said without even thinking about keeping it down.

Grantaire, still focused on the mesmerizing stranger, noticed how his eyes focused on their table for just a second, scanning each of his companions as well as him thoughtfully before turning back to his friends when the first of them pulled both towards a few still empty chairs at the bar.

There had been something strange in his gaze, which Grantaire interpreted as pure antipathy. He raised an eyebrow more at himself than at his friends, and a smirk built up on his lips, even though he didn’t really know why.

While the new group settled in the two of Grantaire’s companions seemed to continue the game of smash or pass Joly had just started. Grantaire joined in after a while, occasionally exchanging a quick look with the boy with the pink tips who shamelessly batted his dark lashes at him before going back to the heated discussion going on between his friends.

A waiter put down a small tray with another round of shots on their table. “Oh, you got the wrong table my lovely, we definitely didn’t order that!” Joly said, but didn’t bother waiting for any reaction from the waiter before downing one of the glasses. The man with the vest pointed to the bar with a chuckle and then went on to the next table to pick up some empty dishes.

They looked to the pointed direction, pink hair smirking and giving them a thumbs up just before the blonde man elbowed him a little harder than needed. “Could you stop flirting with everyone and everything for just _one_ second?!” He hissed, loud enough for them to hear.

“And could you let me have some fun once in a while, Enjolras?” The other one giggled and rolled his eyes, noticing the three intrigued looks from the table at the opposite wall and shrugging amusedly.

Grantaire made a mental note to keep an eye out for the name Enjolras. It felt weirdly familiar, but he didn’t know where he could have heard that before. Maybe it was just his drunk mind playing tricks on him.

“He has a good point though, Courf. You should focus a little,” Grantaire caught the tallest man say to him, just loud enough for it to be audible. He saw the smaller one, Courf apparently, pout.

“Okay, different game, dare or dare,” Bossuet chimed in and Joly bursted into laughter. “That’s not how it works!”

“Dare,” Grantaire said without even thinking about it.

“Get his number!” Bossuet grinned, now taking his part of the shots.

“Dares are supposed to be hard, Bossss!” Joly giggled, clutching his cane on his lap, but Grantaire was already up on his feet, making his way through the shifting and twisting room, a stupid grin on his face. He wouldn’t dare to waste a shot at talking to either of his points of interest.

He made it up to the other group, leaning against the bar as casual as possible, right between the nerdy guy and “Courf”, facing the latter one. He didn’t even have to open his mouth before the boy slipped a neatly folded napkin right into his back pocket. “No need to speak, I got you~” Courf grinned when Grantaire opened his mouth. “Always prepared, hm? Now watch where you stick those hands of yours,” he chuckled with a raised eyebrow. “I’m just giving you some inspiration about what you could do to me.” He received an ungentle smack on his ass and couldn’t help but laugh when the barkeeper shot them a concerned look.

“Piss off already, we’re trying to have a calm evening here in case you couldn’t tell,” the angel growled at him from the other side of the pink haired boy. Grantaire playfully raised his hands. “Whatever you say goldilocks.”

He couldn’t help but feel a certain sense of discomfort creeping up inside him, even though it quickly got drowned out by the woozy feeling in his body again. Something about this man was different.

“Excuse me?!” Enjolras stood up. Even though his height and built were far from reaching Grantaire’s he felt very intimidated by the icy glare out of those cold, sky-blue eyes.

“Whoa, what’s your problem, princess?” The dark-haired man laughed, backing up slowly.

“Princess?! If you want to settle this outside just go on and tell me, you transphobic-“ “Enjolras, that’s not what he meant, sit down,” Courf had both his arms wrapped around his friend now and shoved him back to his seat. “He was just saying hi, no need to get personal.” He looked up to R for a second, mouthing a quick “Sorry.”

Grantaire took threats all the time, so he wasn’t especially freaked out by this one, still he couldn’t hold back a defensive “you have some real anger management issues, dude,” before walking back to his table from which Joly and Bossuet had watched the entire scene.

He caught a few more angry glares before he figured it would be for the better to not look over anymore.

“Oh no what did you do, R?” Joly was laughing again. “Maybe we should go, or we get banned from this place for half a year again. It was barely fun last time it happened,” Bossuet said, but he also had a slight grin on his face.

“Good idea, we could head back to my place,” Grantaire said. He felt that it would be for the better even though he wasn’t totally convinced by that idea yet.

They got up, Joly went to the bar and paid their bill, they clumsily slipped into their coats and then headed for the exit.

Outside the cold air was awaiting them and Grantaire took a deep breath, feeling it deep within his lungs, cool and stinging like shards of ice. He exhaled, chuckling at the cloud forming in the air before his face.

“So, will you call him?” Bossuet grinned, playfully shoving him from the side.

“I don’t know, probably,” Grantaire shrugged and began walking in a relatively straight line along the sidewalk.

“I don’t think you should,” Joly said, rather playing with his cane than using it. “Why not? Have you _seen_ that boy?” Grantaire replied with a satisfied grin.

“Yes, but I also saw his friends and let me tell you neither of them looked amused. And while I think you could win a fight against the blonde one I wouldn’t recommend you picking on the other,” he said with a little worry in his voice, stopping to inspect a lantern pole.

“The nerd? Joly, please.” He raised an eyebrow.

“But he had tattoooos,” the smaller one said with big eyes. In them was a mixture of fascination and worry.

“Oh, so that makes him tough? Surprise, I have tattoos too,” he was growing a little upset with his friends. Maybe it was just his issues speaking, but he didn’t like the thought of being overpowered by anyone. He even less liked the thought of anyone thinking he could be overpowered by someone else.

“But they were on his arms and I think even up to his neck because when he shifted his collar once, I think-“ “Okay, fine, I wont call him then, whatever you say king Joly the wise, it’s not as if it was my decision or anything,” Grantaire cut in and Joly flinched. The taller one suddenly felt dead sober again.

“I did not say that, I was just trying to tell you that I think you hurt someone’s feelings and you should maybe consider that for once in your life,” the smaller man hissed at him but Grantaire just laughed.

“Guys, stop,” Bossuet just sighed and gave both of them a disapproving look. “If you’re up for a fight I’d suggest we spend this evening separately.”

“I can behave if your boyfriend stops telling me what to do,” Grantaire grumbled. “And I can if your best friend stops being a dick as well as thinking exclusively with the formerly mentioned.”

“Fine. I’m going home, you decide whether to come along or not,” Grantaire started walking without looking back at his friends. He heard them exchange a few hushed words before both followed him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be mean to you,” Joly said by his side, biting his lip.

Grantaire sighed. “You just wanted to help. Its fine, but please let me decide things for myself.”

The smaller one just slightly touched his shoulder, before moving to his other side to take Bossuet’s hand.

He looked at the two and shot them a quick smile. He felt a pang of jealousy in his chest, seeing them being with each other, so casually, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

Maybe it was, he thought. People fall in love all the time, everywhere in the world, yet there was something so special and unique about every romance.

He did have boyfriends and girlfriends before, surely, but it never held for longer than two months. He was hard to handle, he had always known that. Every time they left him they said that it wasn’t his fault, that they just fell out of love, they needed their space, they didn’t have time. He always knew that it was all lies, that he was just a lot for people, and no one could have him around. When there was a chance people would always flee from him.

He desired a love like they had. How long had they and Musichetta been a thing now? Three years? Maybe four? And even though they had some tough spots along the way they all still seemed to be so deeply in love with the others. They fit together like three pieces of a puzzle and together showed a beautiful picture.

Whenever Grantaire fit with someone it was only with a lot of squeezing and as soon as someone moved him with his “fitting” piece only the slightest bit they would fall apart again. They didn’t make a picture either. They always were two very differently colored pieces of two whole different puzzles.

All he wanted was for someone to hold him and tell him they would stay and mean it.

Someone to love him not because of pity.

Someone who saw all his flaws and loved him for them, who would value all his scars because they are a part of what made him himself, who would love him not for fractions of himself but for the whole, broken package.

Someone who wouldn’t hesitate to tell him “I fell in love with you, and everything you are. If everything you are is a broken piece than I will cherish that broken piece and will help you smooth out the edges. There is always room for growth, so let us grow together.”

He believed he had found this person as a child. He didn’t have as many flaws back then, but he was sure had she known she would have stayed. She was perfect in every way until one day she was gone. But that time was long gone and he stopped having an eye out for her. He doubted he would have recognized her anyways.

They spent the rest of the evening in his messy flat, and even though the mood lightened up again it wasn’t as much fun as usual.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!Trigger warnings: transphobia (mentioned)
> 
> (Sorry for that... detailed description at the end... I couldn't help myself...)

It took him about a week until he remembered the napkin he had gotten from the stranger at the bar. His mind was too full of everything he had to do, that, while he didn’t forget the stranger himself, he completely forgot their direct encounter. He typed the number into his phone without even thinking about it and hit the call button, trying not to recall his best friend’s advice. And who knows, maybe he was the one? Why waste a shot like that?

He leaned back, sinking deeper into the dark green cushions of his creaking couch and running a hand through his dark curls. He set the phone on speaker and put it down on the table next to him, listening to the familiar beeping while drumming his fingers on his knee to the rhythm of a song he had stuck in his head.

Just a few seconds later a familiar voice answered with an audible grin.

“Courfeyrac here, who do I have the pleasure to talk to?”

R chuckled a little. This introduction sounded exactly as he would have expected it to. Sooth-tongued and playful, yet polite.

“It’s Grantaire, your encounter at the bar who almost got torn to shreds by that fair friend of yours,” he replied. The more he thought of it the fonder he grew of the memory.

“Ah, you!” There was recognition in his voice. “I thought he scared you away, what took you so long?”

He sighed, rubbing his temples. “Just lots of things on my mind to be honest, sorry.”

There was a small, affectionate laugh on the other end. “Don’t apologize, we all have those times.”

Before Grantaire had time to respond, he went on. “So, what are you calling for? You miss me?”

He laughed a little. Talking to Courfeyrac was strangely pleasant, soothing in a way. He just found the right way to talk, easy and playful.

“How could I miss someone I spoke like, two sentences to?” “I don’t know, fate?” He responded, making clear in his voice that he was joking about what he just said. Courf was not the type to believe in things like that, or at least he didn’t make the impression.

“Very sweet of you, but I think calling it raw physical attraction would be more accurate,” Grantaire answered with a sly grin.

“True,” Courfeyrac sighed and R could almost hear him shrugging carelessly.

“So, want to meet up some time?” he asked as casual as he could. It wasn’t much effort to be true, but a small part of his mind hoped he could see his blonde angel again along with Courf.

“You sound as if you wanted to take me out on a date,” Courfeyrac laughed. “You didn’t seem like the type for that.”

“Oh, I’m not, but I’ll do what it takes. I’m more than fine with passing out on dates,” he said honestly. He couldn’t stand everyone always assuming him to pay for everything, since he was not exactly a rich man.

“I like you,” Grantaire heard Courfeyrac grin on the other end. “Combeferre wanted to visit some public science speech-thingy and my other roommate is going with him. A moment of silence for Enjolras and his sacrifice.” He went quiet for a second and R had to restrain himself from making some press F to pay respects joke before Courf continued in his usual, bubbly tone. “Anyways, my flat is completely abandoned tomorrow for about five hours, inhabited only by me watching cheesy romcoms wrapped in five blankets eating pickles from a jar. That is, unless someone is coming over to save me from my misery.”

“Today is your lucky day then, I’m always ready to save a damsel in distress,” Grantaire joked and he heard Courfeyrac giggle. “I’m anything but a damsel,” he literally purred these words into the phone and made Grantaire roll his eyes. “You’re horrible.” “Most people take longer to realize that.”

There was a bit of quiet laughter, before Courfeyrac spoke yet again. “I’ll send you my address and the time then, hope to see you!”

“Most definitely,” Grantaire answered and heard his respondent hang up the phone.

He grinned in silent amusement when he took the phone off the table and checked the address that had been sent to him. He felt excited, but it was more for the fact that he could see what the flat of a person like Enjolras would look like. He felt so intrigued by everything about this angry friend of Courfeyrac, yet he couldn’t seem to imagine how a person like that would live. He longed to know everything about this mesmerizing being, every small detail. Of course, he was also excited to see Courfeyrac, so he didn’t _fully_ utilize the situation for his own needs.

The next day was, to say the least, miserable for Grantaire.

His car broke down on the way to the market and there was no way he was able to come up for the repair costs. After he spent what felt like an eternity walking back home through the rain, he decided to finish his new painting that he hoped would pay the rent for another month, when he dropped his brush and when coming back up hit his head on the easel, giving him a headache and knocking the painting over. It slumped down on his back, probably smearing paint all over his new coat. Not that much of a loss, that thing was meant to get paint all over it, but the picture was ruined. Not that he couldn’t have saved it, but it would have taken him longer than he had liked.

He went to take a shower and then left his flat way too early to head for Courfeyrac’s.

The rain had turned to snow during the day, but there were none of the nice, thick flakes. What came from the sky was more of sludgy ice, immediately dissolving on the ground.

When he arrived at the address he had to check about four times if he was right there. The neighborhood looked not exactly cheap. It was impressive, even in the dim, grey light of the dulled sky. He checked his watch, it was only five minutes before the time Courfeyrac had told him. Maybe he would get to see his roommates before they left. He just assumed that both of them were the people who had accompanied the one he was visiting to the pub the week ago.

He rang the bell and the door almost immediately answered him with a buzzing sound, allowing him to enter a pretty looking stairway. It looked a lot better cared for than the one he knew from his own apartment building.

He took the stairs to the top, feeling his stomach rumbling and remembered he didn’t eat any more than an old toast in the morning during the entire day. He flinched. That was far from sexy.

He opened his coat and rang the doorbell as he finally made it to the top. Why would anyone voluntarily live on the upper floor?

The door opened and before he could say anything he got pulled inside.

“You made it, that’s great, and you’re just in time as well, my roommates already left!” Grantaire felt something being practically thrown around his neck and looked down in confusion. It was a colorful lei made of fake flowers. He chuckled. “What the hell is this?”

“Ah, it’s my welcome ritual, everyone entering this flat for the first time gets one. Looks good on you!”

He looked up into the face of Courfeyrac, who was beaming with joy, as he seemed to do so often. He was almost as bad as Joly.

“Thanks,” Grantaire managed to say and took a moment to eye the other one up and down. He wore light blue dungarees with a yellow turtleneck sweater underneath. Apparently this boy wanted to make it extra hard for him…

When he was done looking him over his gaze went to the insides of the flat. There was even more space than he thought there could be in literally any Parisian flat, and compared to his own cramped flat it was almost like an open field. You could have done pirouettes in space between the couch and the TV.

It was a little messy, but all in all beautifully decorated, at least from what Grantaire could tell from the small hallway. There was a grey couch with a glass table and a matching armchair next to it. A big pile of books was covering that armchair. The carpet was white with red stripes, on the wall behind the couch was a modern looking cupboard with a few plants standing on top of it and a load of photos on the wall above.

A little behind the sofa was a big sliding door which led to a balcony with three small, ornamented metal chairs around a vintage looking table. There was an ash tray on the table and Grantaire blinked in slight confusion. No one of them had made the impression of being smokers to him.

The view from said balcony was breathtaking. Grantaire had the urge to seat himself on one of the small chairs and sketch the skyline for hours on end as the sun sank down behind the buildings. What would he give to paint that skyline…?

Courfeyrac led him into the living room and then disappeared behind a counter on the left, which served as kind of a separation of the living room and the kitchen. There were two barstools with red cushions on the living room side of the counter.

Grantaire followed him. “So, this is your house? Hell, what do you do to pay your rent here? Are you famous or something?”

Courfeyrac chuckled in amusement and turned back to him. “It technically belongs to Enj. You remember him? Blonde, angry-“ “Yes, very vividly.” “I figured. His parents are loaded and this was basically the last thing they gave him before they threw him out.” He said this with such a casualness in his voice that Grantaire frowned.

“They threw him out?” he asked.

“Yeah, when he came out to them. They were _not_ amused that their little daughter wasn’t their little daughter after all, but I guess they still loved him a lot. I mean, otherwise he wouldn’t live in a place like this. They want him to be well even though they act as if they didn’t,” Courf sighed.

“That’s… really sad. I don’t get why people are still so narrow-minded about these topics,” Grantaire grumbled. He felt a pang in his heart even though he would never have admitted it. He felt like Enjolras deserved better. Way better.

God, he didn’t even know this boy, yet he felt so strongly about him! He wished he could have told what drew him so much to the blonde man that tried to attack him in their first two minutes of meeting.

“He’s fine, he wanted to flee that place anyways. Eat the rich,” Courfeyrac shrugged, filling a cup with coffee, giving him a questioning look. “Want some?”

“No, thanks,” Grantaire said, still examining his surroundings. “Eat the rich? You did see the place you live in, didn’t you?”

Courfeyrac snorted. “It took us quite a bit until we got Enjolras to actually accept this flat and move in here. Ferre and I eventually got him by saying if we eat the rich, why not doing it from the inside then, where it hurts most?”

“That’s evil. I like it,” Grantaire chuckled and Courf gave an approving nod. “It’s perfect. And Ferre and I get to live here rent free so that might be a little advantage as well, but only a little one,” he giggled, taking a small sip of coffee.

Grantaire felt his stomach rumbling once again and bit his lips. “You said something about pickles yesterday, is that still on the agenda or-“

Courfeyrac rolled his eyes in amusement.

Somehow, Grantaire felt as if they knew each other for years now even though they had barely ever talked to each other. They knew nothing about the other, yet they didn’t feel like strangers at all.

“We can cook something if you’re hungry, or order pizza or something,” the pink haired boy suggested. “Pizza sounds well to me; I don’t want to be that much trouble for you. Though I have to say, I’m a pretty decent cook.”

“Very confident, I _could_ ask you to prove it now but I’m too lazy to wait.”

Grantaire laughed and nodded. “I’m afraid I would die before the food was ready to eat.”

“So, pizza it is. Which do you want?” Courfeyrac asked, taking his phone out of his pocket. It was in a glittery pink case which fitted him way too well.

“I’m not choosey, surprise me,” he chuckled and Courfeyrac raised his eyebrows at him with a slight grin. “You really want to give me that much power over you? Did you think that through?” He giggled slightly. “Oh, also, take a seat wherever you like, I’ll be with you in a moment.”

Grantaire made his way to the couch, carefully sitting down. It was soft, not hard and creaky as Grantaire’s was. It felt as if you could fall asleep on it and wake up the next morning without horrible back pain. In his eyes that was the most important attribute any couch could have.

Just a minute later Courfeyrac returned and seated himself next to him, his feet up on the table. “The others don’t like when I do this, so I have to relish every moment they’re not here.”

“No feet on the table? That’s some strict rules you have there,” Grantaire laughed, watching the boy as he stretched his arms out over his head. “I know, sometimes I think the others want to kill me in here. So uptight.”

“I get that. But at least it’s your friends who are strict, you can talk to them,” Grantaire sighed. Courfeyrac shot him a concerned look. “That sounded… deep.”

“Oh, don’t mind me, my past is a little messed up but I’m definitely not going to bother you with this now,” he said, even though he really wanted to spill his soul to someone.

“It’s going to be alright,” Courfeyrac touched his shoulder with a gentle smile. Grantaire nodded just and leaned back.

“So, did anything special happen since last week?” Grantaire changed the topic to not have to think any more about it.

They spent about two hours just talking, almost completely forgetting about their initial plans. They got along way better than Grantaire could have imagined, they ate pizza on which Courfeyrac nearly choked when Grantaire told him one of the seemingly endless stories of Bossuet’s mishaps.

Courfeyrac told him stories of his own life with Enjolras and Combeferre in exchange, most of which definitely increased Grantaire’s interest in the former one.

They started playing guessing games about each other, feeding the other with the last slices of the pizza when they are already feeling full and drank wine from the bottle. The TV was running in the background. They were occasionally shooting it a look just so see what weird thing was on now and to joke about the program.

When Grantaire zapped through the channels they somehow ended up at the kids channel and Courfeyrac made a big show of acting out the scenes just as they came on. Grantaire laughed and occasionally threw a pillow after him.

The last pillow from the couch had just disappeared when Courfeyrac pushed the glass table aside and pulled Grantaire to his feet. “Come on, this isn’t a one man show!”

“I enjoyed watching though,” Grantaire said, his voice a little raspy, not even with the intention to make these words sound as flirty as they did. Courfeyrac put his arms around Grantaire’s neck and bit his lip. “If you thought I’d do everything myself today you were very wrong monsieur, now your time has come,” he purred.

Grantaire raised an eyebrow in amusement, looking right into the smaller man’s purplish-blue eyes who smirked back at him.

“Fine, whatever you want,” he grinned and pulled him closer by the decorative belt loops of his dungarees.

He caught the smaller one closing his eyes, his rosy lips parted just a little gap. Their foreheads pressing against each other, followed by the sides of their noses, warm skin on warm skin surrounded by cold air coming in through a slightly open window.

They stayed like that for a few moments, feeling the others deep, warm breaths on their lips, hands wandering to find the best position to rest. Courfeyrac buried his’ in Grantaire’s wild curls, Grantaires wandering up and down Courfeyracs hips.

There was a certain thrill in that moment, the kind of thrill before each first kiss, almost as a drop on a rollercoaster, lungs full of cotton, stomach full of butterflies. This feeling was certain, no matter how you felt about the other. The fractions of a second before a kiss feel the same every time. Thrilling, nerve-racking. It’s the one small moment both parties become aware about what will happen, and that said thing will happen for certain. It’s a moment of realization, no matter how certain you are beforehand that it’s about to happen, the real realization only hits in this tiny moment. Suddenly its all certain and everything else around you vanishes.

And they bathed in this moment. They held on to the rush of adrenaline for as long as they could, only joining together when the moment was savored to the very last second.

Just as that rush started to lessen Grantaire brought their lips together, not gentle as it would have been in a romantic relationship, but hungry. It felt like taking another shot just as you start sobering up. It all comes back, even harder than before. The world is spinning.

The kiss was deep and slow, lanced through by deep breaths and short hums of pleasure that could not be kept inside, escaping their throats whenever they stopped concentrating on it.

They pulled apart when Courfeyrac freed Grantaire of his hoodie in one swift motion, making clear he wasn’t doing this for the first time.

The hoodie flew towards the door and R didn’t even have the time to look after it before he got pulled back into the kiss, now feeling soft and warm hands trailing his chest.

Grantaire grinned into the kiss, taking some of the depth out of it to bite Courfeyrac’s lower lip with a cheeky, huffed laugh, but immediately pulled away, slightly alarmed, when some sort of high-pitched half moan half scream escaped the latter ones mouth.

“What’s-“ “Grantaire, oh my god, oh my god, I want that, please!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to see here besides a little Courf who really needs a hug. Enjoy!

The boy with the pink hair pointed to the TV with big, shiny eyes and Grantaire followed his gaze.

The kids show was still playing and one of the kids was carrying the other around on their back.

“Carry meeee!” the smaller boy whined and Grantaire laughed out loud. “Did you seriously watch the TV while we were making out?” Courfeyrac pouted at him. “It was just a quick glance. Gosh it has been _ages_ since I last had a piggyback ride, please Grantaireee!”

“Fine, if this is what you want, then who am I deny you this?” R chuckled.

Courf gave him a happy grin and took the lei off the floor, putting it back around the other one’s neck, then he jumped on the couch, pulling R closer by the necklace and immediately leaping at his back without warning as soon as he was within his range.

Grantaire yelped and quickly caught his legs so Courfeyrac wouldn’t slip down immediately. He laughed loudly, pulling on the lei and squeezing his legs shut around him.

“Giddyup my noble steed, forward!”

R laughed and ran a few rounds around the table at the side with Courfeyrac giggling and putting his arms around him tighter, directing his way throughout the entire living room.

“On the couch, on the couch!” Courfeyrac ordered and just as Grantaire jumped up the cushions two voices emerged in the hallway.

The people entering stopped talking abruptly and Grantaire and Courfeyrac froze in an instant, the smaller one constantly whispering “he’s going to kill me, oh god, he’s going to kill me” to himself.

“Courfeyrac, what the hell is going on here!?” There was a snarl from the door and R quickly turned to stare in the direction the voice came from. Surely enough, it was Enjolras. Grantaire couldn’t help but to feel embarrassed, but he managed to keep his cool, at least for the outside. This was so cliché…

“This is not- I- this is exactly what you think it is, but I swear that I’m sorry! How should I have known you were coming back early! At least give me a warning first so I can hide him!” Courf slid down from Grantaire’s back and jumped off the couch, the latter one following him immediately.

“I texted you like ten times, Courf,” the blonde man grumbled, sliding into the kitchen and shooting Grantaire a glance. “Put on clothes. I don’t allow naked men in my living room.”

“I’m wearing pants, Apollo, no need to overreact,” he laughed, raising his hands defensively.

“Put on your goddamn clothes!” the other one hissed. Grantaire was almost sure he would start breathing the flames of hell at him like a huge, very pissed off dragon if he didn’t follow his command immediately, so he quickly slid back into his hoodie.

The second figure now emerged from the door. It was indeed the other man that had been at the bar with Courfeyrac and Enjolras, and he looked very tired. He didn’t even look at the scene in front of him before joining his friend in the kitchen.

“Did anything happen?” Courfeyrac asked very carefully as to not fuel Enjolras’ rage even further.

“You happened,” the questioned one answered with an icy glare. “If you’d at least learn to keep your… affairs out of our living room. I want to enjoy sitting there without having to wonder every time how many guys you f-“ “Okay, okay, I said I’m sorry, I know you don’t like this, I am _sorry_. I promise I won’t do it again,” Courfeyrac cut in. He sounded sincere.

“It’s fine, Courf,” the tallest man, Combeferre, sighed. He took a deep sip out of a cup which was seemingly the coffee Courfeyrac had made hours ago. It must have been completely cold, but the man didn’t even flinch. His face kept showing the same, uninterested expression. Maybe Joly had been right about him, he _was_ scary.

“It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have come here risking to disturb all of you. Please don’t blame Courfeyrac for anything,” Grantaire said, hoping he could somehow help his friend.

Instead, Enjolras’ glare landed on him once again, piercing him from head to toe. Grantaire bit his lip, trying to put on his most guilty face. “This is family business, who allowed you to interfere?” He basically hissed at him and Grantaire backed up. Not a good idea.

“Don’t be mean to him! I’m sorry I have a sex life and you don’t, but it isn’t my goddamn problem if you keep running after some weird childhood crush you had ages ago instead of actually opening up to people because, let’s be honest, that’s just ridiculous! You’re ridiculous and you keep ruining everyone else’s fun with it!” Courfeyrac had seemingly gathered every last ounce of confidence he had in him to yell out this last sentence, because without even awaiting Enjolras’ answer he already grabbed Grantaire by the sleeve and stormed off with him further into the flat to avoid the blonde ones rage hitting him with full power.

“Hey, maybe I should leave, I think I caused you enough trouble already,” Grantaire said hesitantly when they entered a room that was obviously Courfeyrac’s.

The latter sat down on his bed and sighed. “If you really want to go then do so,” he said quietly. With the tone of his voice Grantaire started feeling bad for even suggesting hit. He moved over to him and sat down next to him on the soft blanket.

“I don’t want them to be even angrier at you, you know?” he sighed, letting himself fall backwards onto the blanket. There were fuzzy cushions underneath his head and fairy lights were hung up over the bed. For a second, a scene came to his head, just like a déjà vu.

Laying on a pretty persons bed who was not quite a stranger but not too close either, cushions all around, someone was talking to him with a voice that made him feel at home where he had never been before.

“So, Enjolras has a childhood crush?” he asked to lighten the mood a little while shaking off the thought that had captured him for a moment.

“It’s a weird story, it probably wouldn’t be very interesting for you, especially not as a secondhand tale. Ask him yourself if you ever get the chance,” Courfeyrac sighed, laying down next to him and leaning his head on R’s shoulder.

“You really think he would tell me?” Grantaire couldn’t help but laugh at that. “He doesn’t seem this eager to tell me any private stories to be honest.”

“Oh, he didn’t shut up about you ever since last week,” Courfeyrac said to Grantaire’s utter confusion. “What?” “Yep, he has been complaining about the ‘horribly rude stranger’ that kept ‘molesting’ me the entire time. And when Enjolras is able to complain about just one person so consistently it usually means they have caught his interest. Congrats I guess.” Courf chuckled, but it sounded tired.

“How could someone like me catch the interest of someone like him?” Grantaire laughed in disbelief.

Courfeyrac rolled his eyes. “He caught your friends calling you ‘R’ and I think someone using the nickname of his precious kindergarten boyfriend upsets him a lot. He’s putting on one hell of an act let me tell you,” he grumbled.

“That’s weird…” Grantaire murmured. Could it be…? No, that would be the strangest coincidence in all of human history, he thought, shrugging it off. The chances were lower than zero.

“Could we maybe put Enjolras aside? I can’t have every guy I have over fall for him as soon as he appears in the door and forget about my existence, it’s kind of bugging me. I mean, sure, how could anyone not be in love with him, with his stupid innocent angel face, but I’m here too,” Courfeyrac sighed.

Grantaire could imagine way too well how it felt, being the one left behind as soon as someone better appeared. He experienced it quite a lot.

He turned his head and kissed Courfeyrac’s hair. “I won’t forget about you. After all I came here for you, didn’t I?” He laughed until he remembered that was only mostly true. But there had been this very small part inside of him, this tiny little hope that wouldn’t have left his mind… No, he wouldn’t be one of those people. Treat others the way you want to be treated, right? That’s what he was going to do.

Courf sighed and put an arm around him. “I guess that’s true. Sorry, I have just gotten a little paranoid over time. Everyone I ever really had a thing for left me and each of the times I was about ninety nine percent sure it was because of Enjolras. The way they all look at him! It’s awful,” he groaned quietly.

“You have a thing for me?” Grantaire chuckled, patting his hair. “Of course I don’t! Do I look this naïve to you?” he answered with a quiet snort.

“Well, who knows,” he answered jokingly. “And who wouldn’t immediately fall for my flawlessly pretty face?”

“I think you are very attractive. Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Courfeyrac sighed with an encouraging smile. “I like men that have something raw to them.”

R laughed and sat upright again. “You’re making fun of me!”

“I’m not!” Courfeyrac answered indignantly, wrapping his arms around him from the back. “Honestly, I absolutely do have a thing for guys like you! You are different and interesting and you are fun, unlike the two guys I live with.”

“You seemed to be pretty good friends at the bar though,” Grantaire said, questioningly looking at him from over his shoulder.

“We _are_ very good friends and I love them a lot, but sometimes I just can’t take them. They think they know better what’s good for me than myself. Whenever I’m out with someone new Enjolras goes ‘Courf you will get your heart broken’ and ‘Courf, you have better things to do’ and ‘Courf, I don’t want you to bring strangers you don’t know into our flat all the time its dangerous’ and Combeferre… well, I don’t know what his problem is but he’s probably thinking Enjolras is jealous and therefore gets jealous himself and behaves like I never experienced it from him,” Courf groaned another time and buried his face on Grantaire’s back.

“You think Combeferre has a thing for Enjolras?” R asked, tilting his head a little.

“It’s pretty obvious. He gets all weird when Enjolras and I want to go somewhere as just us two and he only ever talks to him for longer times. Sure, I have conversations with him too, but whenever he reads about a new interesting science thing or whatever he always goes to Enj and asks his opinion. They talk for hours about books, politics, history, everything and I’m always the person left out. It’s pretty obvious he doesn’t want me to interfere.” (interferre…… sorry)

“Hm, if you say so,” Grantaire said. Something about that theory didn’t fully add up to him, but he shrugged it off. Courfeyrac knew the two for way longer, so why wouldn’t he also know about their relationship.

Courfeyrac let go of him and got up to his feet. “Want to stay for the night?” he asked while stretching. He had gone back to his extremely casual self in an instant.

“Sure, but I don’t have any clothes here and I highly doubt yours would fit,” Grantaire laughed, eyeing the boy once again.

“Who said you had to wear stuff when sleeping? Also, you came over here to love those pants of yours, remember?” Courf turned back to him with a smirk. “Fair point,” Grantaire replied, “but don’t you think after the earlier reaction of your flatmates it would be safer for us both to stay dressed?”

Courfeyrac snorted in amusement and raised an eyebrow at him. “Didn’t think you were a coward.” “I’m not!” Grantaire cut in, visibly offended. “Then why don’t we test out our limits, let’s see how long it takes for Enjolras to explode. It can be pretty funny sometimes, when he’s really angry he rambles for hours to you until he is so far from his initial point that he doesn’t remember what he was angry about. Also a good way of making him forget about your misdemeanor.”

“Fine, but only if you guarantee me my full physical and mental integrity,” Grantaire joked.

“I will guarantee that, but only referring to my flatmates.” Courfeyrac winked at him with a cocky grin. “I myself might not be able to keep that promise~”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!Trigger warnings: smoking
> 
> Alternate title for this one: Ferre trying very hard to be scary

Grantaire woke up relatively early the next morning. It was pitch dark outside, the clock on the wall telling him it was only half past seven. He never woke up this early, especially not after a long night of talking and various other activities taking up most of the time.

He rolled over to see Courfeyrac, calmly sleeping next to him, his bare shoulders moving up and down ever so slowly when he took another breath. R sighed and slipped out of the bed, pulling the sunflower-patterned blanket back up so the other one wouldn’t get cold.

What was he even planning? He couldn’t just sneak away now, right? He thought, while slipping into his clothes that were strewn all over the floor. He could just get back into that warm bed and go back to his peaceful sleep, what hindered him?

For some reason he felt so restless, as if there was something he needed clearance about but he couldn’t quite figure what it was.

He silently opened the bedroom door and slipped into the corridor leading back to the big living room. There was a light on. Someone probably left it on before going to bed, what living soul would wake up this early? Despite him, that was.

There were three more doors along the way, two were closed and one was open just a tiny gap. He couldn’t help but to peak inside, even though he felt like a stalker.

The room was too dark to make out anything significant and the small ray of light from the door only illuminated a desk with loose papers strewn all over it.

He played with the thought of slipping inside for just a second, but he figured that could get him into a lot of trouble, so he quickly left the door and continued on his way. He didn’t want to be a creep.

In the living room he saw that he was, in fact, not the first one to wake up. Combeferre was leaning on a counter, glancing up from a book the moment Grantaire entered. The latter one froze. What now? Not even he himself knew what he was doing here, so what should he tell this man without making an even worse impression.

He smiled nervously at the tall figure. “An early bird, hm?” he joked, trying to appear as casual as possible.

“And it seems I already caught a worm,” he looked back into his thick book, apparently less than interested in Grantaire. “Your jacket is in the hallway,” he said without looking back up.

“I, uh, I wasn’t leaving, actually,” Grantaire stammered, still frozen in the doorway.

“You don’t need to lie to me, I’m not the one getting my hopes shattered in this,” he let out a breathy laugh, but it sounded cold.

“No, really, I wanted to see if I could make you all some breakfast. As an apology for what happened yesterday,” Grantaire said, genuinely surprised at himself for making that up on the spot and even managing to make it sound sincere. And maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

The other man looked at him for a little while, skeptically scanning him, trying to make out whether he was lying or not, then he nodded. “Fine.”

Grantaire, who noticed he had been holding his breath, let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you.”

“But maybe you should wait a little more with that, Courfeyrac and Enjolras aren’t exactly early risers. Try waking up Enj before nine in the morning and you’re sure to get your throat cut,” Combeferre said, taking a sip of what seemed like coffee. Damn, they consumed a lot of that stuff in this house.

Grantaire made his way over to the kitchen. If he had to wait until the others were up he might as well try to befriend tall, quiet and grim.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Grantaire asked when joining him. The other one shook his head, keeping his eyes on the book he was reading. R glanced over. It was a dictionary. ‘Nerd’, he thought.

There was a long pause of very uncomfortable silence. Grantaire opened his mouth to speak again, even though he was unsure about what exactly to say, but just as he did so the other man shut his book and put it on the counter.

“So, now that we’re both here, let’s settle one thing,” Combeferre started, glaring at him through his glasses and folding his arms in front of his chest. He took a break, seemingly waiting for Grantaire to react in any kind of way.

“Okay, uh, I’m all ears,” he said, unsure about what could possibly come next. All he knew was that the way the other man towered in front of him he felt more intimidated than he had been in a long time.

“If you keep your hands off Courfeyrac, I’ll keep mine off you. I might not be stronger than you, but I can sure as hell hurt.”

“A-are you trying to threaten me?“ Grantaire laughed after a short break of astonishment, trying to play it off. He definitely felt threatened, even though he would never have admitted it.

“I do,“ Combeferre huffed. “Am I succeeding? “

“You are,“ Grantaire chuckled nervously, looking at the taller man with his rolled up sleeves and his endlessly dark eyes.

“Good,” the other one murmured, leaning back to the counter.

There was another minute of very awkward silence until Grantaire raised his eyes back up and looked at him. “You have a thing for Courfeyrac then?” R couldn’t help but chuckle a little. So Joly had been right with his assumption about the man… again.

“I had for years,” the other man groaned, rubbing his temples and then running his hands through his hair in frustration.

Grantaire laughed. “May I suggest you send clearer signals to him?” he asked amusedly as he remembered Courf’s words from yesterday.

Combeferre looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “How would you know what signals I’m sending? As far as I know the two of us only met two times for a total of like seven minutes.”

“Well, by chance I know at first hand that he thinks you’re into Enjolras and I also know that he seemed kind of upset about it, but that might only be my interpretation,” Grantaire smirked and the other one blinked at him in confusion.

“Me and Enj?! I’m not suicidal!” he said, visibly shaken by the pure thought of it. R kept laughing quietly. “Come on, he can’t be that bad.”

“He’s… quite a handful. I’m sure there is someone out there who’d willingly take that challenge on themselves but… that one is absolutely not me,” Ferre said, taking a big sip of coffee.

“Did anyone ever try though?” Grantaire asked, lost in thought.

“People try all the time but there is rarely anyone he even slightly opens up to. Also I never saw him being interested in any person at all. He has friends, of course, but he never seemed to want anything having to do with love. I think he once said he had better things to do with his time,” Combeferre sighed, “I don’t know why he is so vehemently rejecting all of this. Pride, maybe?”

“Pride?” Grantaire asked. He couldn’t imagine how pride could ever be in the way of love.

The other one shrugged. “To some it feels like weakness. Devoting yourself to another person, the feeling not being able to live or to function at all without them in your life. The thought of dependence might scare a person like him, who did nothing but fight for the exact opposite all his life. At least that’s my take on it, but I couldn’t know, we never talk about things like this.”

R nodded slowly, thinking it through. “I guess that seems plausible,” he admitted.

The other one sighed with a short nod. “I thought about it a lot to be honest. It would be way easier if he talked about it, but he keeps saying these topics are ‘not relevant’. But in the end it’s his thing to deal with, we can’t force him into anything.”

“Maybe there’s something else bothering him, or maybe he just needs some time,” Grantaire suggested carefully. Of course, he wasn’t in the position to draw conclusions about someone he didn’t know, but for some reason Grantaire’s image of Enjolras kept becoming clearer with every minute he spent thinking about him.

“Maybe, but let’s leave that aside now. It’s not exactly our business anyway,” Combeferre sighed quietly. Grantaire saw him biting his lip, seemingly thinking about something, before he looked back at R, gentler than before.

“I’m sorry for what I said there. I-“ he started, but Grantaire cut him off with a laugh. “It’s fine, I can take it. I know how it feels being treated as barely more than a last resort by people, so I guess I get what position you’re in.”

“Ouch,” Combeferre said with a raised eyebrow, “that bad?”

“Life has not been too kind so far,” Grantaire said with the most neutral tone he could muster. Ferre looked at him with a slight smile. “So it can only go upwards now.”

R laughed and shook his head. “There’s still space until rock bottom, I wouldn’t be here if I had hit my lowest point.”

“Don’t be like that, I’m sure it will all turn out well,” Combeferre gave him a comforting smile before stepping away from the counter. “Do you smoke?” he asked while making his way through the living room to the balcony door.

Grantaire followed him. “Occasionally, but I prefer killing my body in other ways,” he joked, making the other man chuckle as he put on his coat which had apparently been thrown carelessly onto a small cupboard some time earlier.

“You didn’t seem like the type to smoke to me if I’m quite honest,” Grantaire stated, once again observing the man with his glasses, his beige slipover and long, brown coat.

The other one shrugged, opening the door and letting a freezing cold breeze in. “Got stuck to it in my youth. I mostly try refraining myself nowadays and… let’s say on some rare days it’s working. It just helps too well for calming my thoughts for me to be able to stop,” he said, walking over to the metal banister, then turning back to him.

“You should really put on a jacket before coming out, it’s insanely cold,” he said, a bit of concern in his honey-smooth voice. R retreated back into the house with a sigh, throwing on his own jacket before joining Ferre outside.

He leaned to the banister, staring off into the distance where the light was slowly starting to creep up behind the dark Parisian skyline.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!Trigger warnings: Misgendering

They sat outside for quite some time, talking and watching the sky get brighter even though the sun stayed buried somewhere behind the mass of buildings blocking their view. When they stepped back inside their hands and feet were frozen and they were both shivering a little.

“Courf, you’re up early!” Combeferre said and R looked up, seeing the addressed bustle around in the kitchen.

“I didn’t feel like sleeping and the bed was way too cold,” Courfeyrac muttered completely unlike his usual, cheerful tone, eyeing Grantaire. “Why did you leave?”

“I was awake,” R shrugged innocently and Courf rolled his eyes. “Not a valid reason. I almost thought you were gone.”

Grantaire laughed, sitting down on one of the stools on the living room side of the counter. “I wouldn’t do that,” he chuckled and gave him a soft smile. Courfeyrac smiled back for a second, then continued looking through different cupboards. “So, what were you two doing outside?” he asked.

“Oh, you don’t want to know,” Grantaire said jokingly, watching Combeferre chuckle quietly out the corner of his eyes. Weird how much he had opened up in just an hour.

Courfeyrac froze and shot the two of them a look from over his shoulder, his eyes switching back and forth between R and Ferre. It was obvious how hard his imagination was working as his expression flickered between disgust, amusement and fascination.

“Stop imagining it already,” Combeferre laughed, rolling his eyes, but Courfeyrac shook his head. “Shh, I’m trying to find out what I would think of that, I’m in two minds about that,” he said, still thinking.

Grantaire and Combeferre exchanged a quick, amused look.

“I have come to the conclusion that that would be very-“ “I’m stopping you right there because I don’t think I want to know,” Combeferre interrupted and Grantaire laughed out loud. “If he was going to continue that sentence the way I think he wanted to, then I don’t want that either,” he said, now the other ones started giggling as well. “No you don’t,” Courf confirmed after a while of quietly laughing.

“So you two are getting along now, huh?” Courfeyrac continued, stopping his search for whatever he was searching for and leaning on the counter, facing them. “That’s nice to see. Combeferre here is a real sweetheart, you know, but normally he just avoids strangers I happen to drag along,” he said to Grantaire with an amused grin.

“Your mood turned from grumpy to bursting with energy really fast today, are you sick?” Combeferre said with a chuckle. Grantaire knew he had just been eager to change the topic and jumped at the chance.

“No, I just had the best sleep in _ages_ , and now that I’m finally fully awake after spending ten minutes of searching for food it’s finally showing. Also, I had some very reviving mental images a few moments ago,” the pink haired boy grinned.

“Why are _all_ of you awake?” a drowsy voice came from the door and Grantaire turned his head. The last resident of the flat had appeared in the doorframe to the living room.

R took a deep breath and quickly fixated his gaze on his hands to not stare at him. Did he manage to become even more beautiful over night? Or did Grantaire’s mind just decide that, since everything was going downhill anyways, why not also make him straight up fall for someone he didn’t even know and who almost went at his throat in two of two encounters they had?

From one moment to the next, everything left in Grantaire’s brain were these messy, golden locks of hair and porcelain skin and how badly he wanted to paint the view that just came to existence in front of his eyes a moment ago.

“I’m very confused about it as well, normally I sit here for three hours alone until the first sign of life reaches me but today it has only been about fifteen minutes,” Combeferre said with a small chuckle. Enjolras just made a small, disinterested noise and moved to the kitchen, picking the cup that had just found it’s way back into Ferre’s hand right back out of it and drinking a huge sip of the steaming fluid inside.

Grantaire went back to staring at him. He wore a big, purple hoodie with sleeves so long they almost swallowed the entirety of Enjolras’ slim hands. His hair seemed to be glowing in the warm light of the kitchen lamp, like a golden halo around his pretty face.

He tried to remember every one of his features, his golden lashes, the exact way his soft, pink lips parted, just slightly, but enough to make Grantaire gape at him like crazy. He felt like losing his mind any second.

Why did he do this to him? _How_ did he do this to him?

“Anything wrong?” An icy glare pierced right through him. He didn’t even notice Enjolras turning to him. R quickly shook his head. “Of course not, why?” he said quickly with an obnoxious grin.

He noticed Courfeyrac shooting him a quick look of… what was it? Confusion? Resign? God, was Grantaire so obvious?

Apparently he was, judging from the deep sigh escaping Courf’s mouth. Grantaire thought about saying something for a second, but he thought he would better keep his mouth shut. He could say anything that had to be said once the two were alone again some time.

R cleared his throat. “Who wants breakfast? I could make some if that’s okay for you all,” he said quickly to break the awkward silence that had risen.

“Yes, I could definitely need some by now,” Combeferre jumped in who apparently noticed something was up. Grantaire gave him a quick, appreciating smile as he continued. “Why don’t you two,” he pointed to Courfeyrac and Enjolras, “sit down on the couch while Grantaire and I make something. You both still seem a little tired.”

“I thought we just settled that I am not tired anymore,” Courf said while Ferre ushered both of them out into the living room.

They ended up making banana pancakes for all of them and after they finished breakfast Grantaire took his leave of them. He still had a messed up painting to fix and he came to terms with the fact that he should prioritize this.

Yet Enjolras didn’t seem to ever leave his mind during the day. He was completely zoned out and didn’t even notice what he was doing with his hands while painting until his work was finally done.

He couldn’t stop thinking about him. He couldn’t stop thinking about these golden locks of hair, these shiny blue eyes framed by golden lashes and these soft lips. He couldn’t stop thinking about this perfect, marble skin and he couldn’t stop thinking about what he got to know about this mesmerizing angel that had just stepped into his life and left his mind in a mess.

Especially the thing with the childhood crush didn’t seem to leave him. Something about this was… bothering him? As if there was something so striking about it that he had no other choice but to notice but somehow he didn’t see.

An angelic rich boy with blonde hair and icy blue eyes and quite an attitude. It sounded exactly like- No, that couldn’t be. He tried to force himself to stop thinking about the possibility, but it stayed there like a leech. What if…?

He tried to remember the times he went to visit the huge house when he was younger, tried to remember the face of the girl he had given his childish heart to at that time, every single feature, every barely visible mole and every little dimple.

Even though the image was only blurry in his mind the resemblance was quite striking…

No, no he definitely had to stop thinking about this. He was making things up for sure and he couldn’t become so assured of something his mind was putting across him.

He spent several days without reaching out to Courf again, trying to clear his head and most of all trying to get Enjolras out of it, which proved to be a fairly difficult task.

Weirdly enough, it took him about an entire week to get the idea of searching Enjolras up on social media. He was pretty sure that his name was his surname, but it shouldn’t be a problem since it couldn’t be too common. At least Grantaire never heard it before and he certainly knew a lot of people.

He typed the name into the search bar and scrolled through the pictures until- “shit!”

He gasped, wide-eyed, staring at the photograph in between the bunch of artworks that had come up.

There was a beautiful woman, long blond hair, pearls around her neck with a wide, beaming smile. Next to her was a man, his hair just as blonde as the woman’s, yet lanced with a hint of grey. They both had their hands placed on the shoulders of the person in their middle, a little girl with a fitted smile. Grantaire would have recognized that face anywhere.

He basically threw his phone aside and took a deep breath to relax his beating heart. Why was he even reacting to this so excessively? It was just his… childhood girlfriend? What was he so excited yet so nervous about? This thing died out when she… when he left, right? There was nothing to be agitated about!

Yet he sat there with still wide eyes, memories suddenly all coming back to his head. Pink curtains, white dresses, a shy laugh, a bold grin, a ring… climbing through a tree to reach the balcony, what kind of tree was it again? It didn’t matter. Summer days, heat on his face on the way back, fingers gliding along scrolled iron fences.

He rubbed his temples, letting out a distressed sound, then quickly picked his phone back up. He had to tell somebody, he thought if he was alone with this knowledge for one more minute it would make his head explode.

His thumb hovered over Courfeyrac’s number for a second until he quickly shook his head as if to tell himself Courf would be the last person wanting to know this. He couldn’t bring himself to do that. Also, how high would the risk of Courf telling Enjolras be? Too high, R thought.

He scrolled down until he landed on Joly’s contact. He called him, not even thinking about how he _still_ didn’t tell Joly he had been at Courfeyrac’s despite his request.

It took a few seconds until Joly took the call, his cheerful voice greeting Grantaire from the other end. “Hey, what’s up?”

He heard voices coming from the background, a deep, female voice complaining about something he couldn’t really make out. It was Musichetta, Grantaire recognized the voice in an instant.

“Sorry if I’m interrupting anything but it’s really important!” Grantaire said quickly.

“Oh, it’s fine. Mind if I put you on speaker or is it a private thing?” Joly asked, bustling around with some blanket on the other end.

Grantaire bit his lip and nodded until he remembered there was no way Joly would notice. “No, yes, I don’t care just-“ he didn’t even wait for a reaction or for his conversation partner to stop fumbling around. “It’s her! I mean him! I just- I found him! You won’t believe it!”

“Wait, wait, wait, what’s happening?” Grantaire heard Bossuet ask with a low-key hoarse voice as if he had just woken up.

“Okay you remember boys night? And the boy whose number I got?” Grantaire asked hastily.

“Oh no…” Joly groaned but R heard him chuckle afterwards. “You met up with him didn’t you?”

Grantaire quickly went on. “Oh god right, sorry, I didn’t think about it… but that’s beside the point, there was this blonde guy with them, you remember?”

“The pretty guy who almost killed you?“ Bossuet asked with a laugh.

Grantaire nodded again, correcting himself. “Yes, that one. Now, remember the story of my childhood girlfriend?“ he quickly added.

He waited for a second, then he heard two loud gasps on the other end and an irritated “what?“ from the last person, likely Bossuet.

“Are you saying what I think you're saying?“ Joly said, astonishment in his voice.

“But R said it was a girl back then and that dude was… a dude!“ Bossuet said in confusion, followed by a little silence and then the sound of an elbow being hit against skin. Along with the elbow realization seemed to hit him. “Oh! Oh… oh!“ Bossuet started to say over and over again.

“Oh come on Boss,“ Musichetta laughed and R could basically hear her rolling her eyes in fond annoyance.

“Are you sure?!“ Joly jumped in again, full of nervous excitement.

“I… found a picture on Google of him… back when he was… you know, younger and uhh I… I recognized he- him in an instant,“ Grantaire stammered. “Its him. I'm absolutely sure,“ he added again, with a more firm voice.

“Oh my god! That's amazing! Did you tell him? You absolutely have to tell him oh, oh, imagine you two get back together or something that would be so cute!“ Joly squealed and R heard the blanked rustle through the phone.

“Of course I _didn't_ tell him! He hates me!“ Grantaire laughed, even though he grimaced a little afterwards. Would he hate him less if he knew? Or even more…?

“I have little clue what you're talking about but I think you should give it a shot Grantaire. What's the worst thing to happen?“ Musichetta asked gently with her dark voice. For some reason her voice kept reminding Grantaire of coffee.

Grantaire scoffed. “That he will never speak a word to me again, how about that?“

“It's not as if you knew him for long… you knew him as a child but that's a long time ago, he's probably completely different now… it shouldn't be such a big deal,“ Bossuet said. It was obvious that it wasn't dawning on him yet. “Except…“ Chetta started, lost in thought.

Joly gasped loudly. “Oh my god. You are in love with him!“


	7. Chapter 7

“I’m not!” Grantaire said with a gasp. “I don’t know him I- I can’t be in love with him!”

“R, honey, you sound like a complete goner for that man, to be honest,” Musichetta sighed in amusement. “Also it doesn’t matter how long you two know or don’t know each other. Sometimes it just fits.”

“But not him!” R groaned desperately. He knew Chetta was right about it, he knew he was in love with this beautiful man he barely knew, but hearing someone else saying it to him got to him on a whole new level. It felt… realer somehow. Closer than it had been before. And all at once the distress hit him.

“You have to talk to him,” Joly whispered hastily as if he was spreading forbidden news. “Did you know people can actually die of broken hearts?!”

“My heart is fine,” Grantaire buried his face in his hands. “I’m just so confused about all of this. And I can never look Courfeyrac in the eye again which is horrible because he is damn sweet and he deserves all the best but ughh I can’t do this to him, not after what we talked about and-“

“Hey, calm down okay. Take a deep breath,” Bossuet said again in his most comforting voice. “Do you want to come over? To talk about everything?” he asked and Joly made an approving noise. “That’s a good idea, we missed you this week R!”

“I… I think that might be good, yes,” Grantaire said after a while of debating with himself if he should go or if he should rather get drunk on the couch alone.

About an hour later he entered the flat of his friends and was led into the living room by an excited Joly.

Grantaire looked around. It was a nice flat, very clean, which was probably Joly’s fault. The walls were colorful and most of the furniture was made of light birchwood. The white doorframes were decorated by fairy lights.

A woman was sitting on cupboard at the side, watching them enter with a smirk. She was only a little shorter than Grantaire himself, with skin the color of mahogany wood, dark curls falling down to her shoulders, wearing a seemingly self-knitted sweater in yellow and blue with snowflakes on it. If Grantaire was only a little more into women he was sure he would have a huge crush on her.

“Took you long enough,” Musichetta joked, sliding down from the counter. “You want something to drink?”

Grantaire opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. “Something without alcohol, it’s only noon.” Grantaire closed his mouth again and rolled his eyes. “Bold of you to assume that would stop me,” he muttered.

“Grantaire,” Joly said in a warning voice.

“You’re not in the position to warn me about this,” Grantaire laughed, seating himself on the couch, the two of his friends following, sitting down at either side of him.

“Hey, guy, have you seen my- oh, hey, R, didn’t know you were here already,” Bossuet entered the room, his cheeks reddening as the eyes of all three focused on him.

“Babe, where are your clothes?” Musichetta sighed amusedly and Joly giggled, holding his hands in front of Grantaire’s eyes like a mother would do to her child.

Grantaire pushed them down and whistled with a grin, to which Bossuet only rolled his eyes and quickly disappeared out of the door again, shooting them a last, embarrassed grin.

“You guys never told me what I was missing out on,” Grantaire joked and Joly began laughing even louder, letting out an overly dramatic “Grantaire!”

Musichetta giggled quietly. “Didn’t know you were interested,” she raised her eyebrow suggestively. “But apropos, about your newfound lover. I think I need that story from the very beginning again,” she added, leaning back and putting one arm on the back rest.

Grantaire took a deep breath and began to retell the entire story.

“… and that’s when I called you guys,” he finished and Musichetta let out an astonished laugh. “That’s absolutely incredible! Like… how likely is stuff like that to happen?!”

“I know right?!” Grantaire said, running his hands down his face. “It’s so confusing! I don’t know what to do and I can’t just show up there and go ‘Hi, so, you remember the time we were married?’ and despite that he doesn’t even like me, oh, and Courf what about Courf-“ “Okay, stay calm, we will find a solution,” said Bossuet, who had gotten dressed and sat down with them in the meantime.

Joly nodded wildly. “It’s going to be fine! I mean, it seems the universe thinks you were meant for each other, right?”

“The universe can’t think, Joly,” Grantaire started but got interrupted by Joly slapping him on the arm. “Listen to me!” he said offendedly.

“How about you… drop some hints? Maybe you can meet up with that Courfeyrac again and then you just… mention something on the side? Or you ask him what he thinks about all of this,” Musichetta suggested.

Grantaire sighed in frustration. “I told you what he said about this Enjolras thing…”

“But this makes it all different! If you tell him the whole story he will understand it for sure! It’s just too… incredible!” Joly said with wide eyes.

R took a deep breath and stayed quiet for a moment. He was considering it.

What would Courfeyrac say? Would he be sad about it? Angry? No he wouldn’t be angry, that didn’t sound like him. But would he be disappointed? Disappointed that Grantaire was, in the end, just like everybody else, even though…

No, he never promised anything! He said that he wouldn’t forget Courf and that was the truth but he could just as well not forget about him when he had feelings for his friend, right?

“I will tell him,” Grantaire said after a break in which the entire room was silent.

“Do it soon, before you change your mind,” Bossuet said and Joly quickly added “Do it now!”

“Now?!” Grantaire said, irritated, looking questionably at Musichetta who hadn’t said anything about it yet. She nodded at him.

“I… don’t know if that-“ Grantaire started but Joly already snatched his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. Grantaire swore to himself to change the code immediately once he had it back.

It was surprising how quickly Joly had found the contact. Within two seconds there already was the familiar beeping of the phone.

“Joly, wait, give that back!” Grantaire tried to snatch the phone out of the smaller boys hand but Joly jumped to his feet and took a large step back, holding the phone up in the air.

Grantaire jumped after him. “Joly, for real!”

The other one grinned and ran towards the door, Grantaire right after him.

“Joly, stop that immediately, I can’t tell him now, I’m not ready!” R whined when he managed to grab the fringe of the other one’s hoodie.

“Not ready to tell me what?” It came from the phone in a familiar, amused voice. Grantaire shot Joly an annoyed glance and then put up a smile.

“Heyyy, Courf, I… are you sitting? This might be… surprising. Or not really surprising but in a way you won’t expect it will still be.” Grantaire managed to get his phone back and sat down on the ground right where he stood, gesturing Joly to go back to the others.

“Sitting, uh, give me a moment,” there was a short break and Grantaire heard a muffled chuckle on the other end and Courfeyrac saying something, seemingly holding the phone away from him as far as possible before he continued. “So, what’s up?”

“Okay so…” Grantaire took a deep breath, “this will sound absolutely crazy, but I’m completely, absolutely serious about this. The chances were like lower than one in a million but I’m completely sure that-“ “Spit it out!” Courfeyrac laughed.

“I think I- no, I _know_ that I…” he took another deep breath, “I’m that childhood boyfriend of Enjolras.”

There was a long pause and neither of them spoke a word. Grantaire waited anxiously for a response in any way.

Finally, Courfeyrac stammered out a silent, disbelieving “Wow.”

Grantaire laughed. He didn’t know what else to do to break the awkward silence.

“And… you’re sure you are not joking? Because this really is weird,” Courfeyrac said, his voice still had this unbelieving tone to it.

“I know it is and I’m freaking out about it!” Grantaire said, running a hand through his hair and whining in frustration.

“Oh god,” Courfeyrac said, audibly taking a deep breath. “And you’re sure?”

“Yes, god yes how often do you want me to say it?!” Grantaire snapped, leaning his back against the wall.

“Sorry I’m just… a little confused. And… what will you do about it?” Courfeyrac asked quietly.

“Do about it? Nothing!” Grantaire said in shock. The question was reasonable though. What _would_ he do about it? He had not the slightest clue on how to react to this kind of situation. It wasn’t exactly something anyone had ever given him tips about.

“You have to! You can’t just… have that knowledge and like, leave him in the dark about it! That wouldn’t be fair!” Courfeyrac gasped, a questioning murmur in the background which Courf quickly shushed. “If you don’t tell him I will! He won’t believe me but I will tell him I swear!”

“Courf, please, let me think about this okay? It’s really weird, I think I’ll need a day…” Grantaire said, biting his lip.

There then was silence again. A long, awkward kind of silence, both parties only waiting for the other one to say literally anything.

“So…” Courfeyrac started but didn’t continue. Grantaire repeated it in the exact same way Courfeyrac had said it. It was awkward. Really awkward.

Courfeyrac cleared his throat. After a second he began talking again. “Do you have feelings for him?” he asked, sounding more intrigued than offended.

“Courf, I don’t even know him!” Grantaire coughed offendedly.

“I’m just asking!” Courf had to laugh. “It’s fine, it’s pretty obvious. We all had a crush on him at one point.”

Grantaire blinked, startled. “You don’t mind?” The other one laughed again. “I guess not... And if you ask me, you have more of a chance with him than any other guy that actively tried so far. Why don’t you come over again some time and… we see how it goes?” Courf asked. Grantaire could basically feel the smug look on the other one’s face. What would he have given for a chance to wipe that look off him…

“Oh, uhm… okay, why not, right? It’s not as if it could make anything worse…” Grantaire laughed. It could make things a lot worse, but he brushed the thought aside as quick as it came.

“Right!” Courfeyrac said his voice mirroring the huge smile he had on his face. “Right,” Grantaire heard someone echo in the background and Courfeyrac giggled. It was a different voice than the one that had been speaking somewhere next to Courf before. The latter one laughed. “You don’t even know what we’re talking about!”

“Who are you even with? Am I interrupting anything?” Grantaire chuckled.

“Oh, you’re not interrupting, it’s fine, the two are just friends,” Courf giggled. “Friends, hm?” Grantaire said with a slight chuckle. “Close friends,” the boy corrected and Grantaire rolled his eyes. “Thought so.”

“So, when are you free?” Courfeyrac changed the topic again.

Grantaire giggled quietly. “Anytime for you,” he said.

“Stop being flirty, you have to save some of that up for Enjy. He needs a lot of that until he starts getting what people intend with him. I’ll come up with a plan for you, or at least I’ll try, I’m not good at plans,” Courfeyrac laughed until he let out a sigh. “R, I think I should go now, I’ll text you once I know what time I’m free.”

“Everything alright? You sounded very dramatic there,” he asked with a chuckle and Courfeyrac giggled. “Absolutely! See you!”

“Sure, enjoy yourself! But not too much,” he grinned with a suggestive voice and Courf laughed out loud once more. “I’ll try!” Then he hung up and Grantaire closed his eyes with a deep breath.

That went way better than he had expected. Courfeyrac seemed to have taken this news with such ease. Sure, it took him a second, but then he acted as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

A head appeared in the doorframe. “See? That went well, didn’t it?”

Joly smiled at him gently and Grantaire blinked. He had almost forgotten that he wasn’t in his own flat.

“Yeah, I suppose so. He said he was figuring something out about… you know… how to make this work,” Grantaire stammered as Joly pulled him back to his feet using all the strength he has in his slim body.

“That’s so good!” Joly grinned, pulling him back into the living room.

“I still don’t know if this is right, guys,” Grantaire said nervously. Did he really have doubts? Why did he try to back away from a chance like this? This man was everything Grantaire could ever have dreamed of and Courfeyrac said he had a chance, right? It was all right, there was not a thing amiss about this whole situation, so… but perhaps that was the point. There had to be a snag in it somewhere, right? Things like that don’t just… happen!

“Dude,” Bossuet said, taking Grantaire’s face into both his hands and tilting it so he looked directly at him, while mildly squishing his cheeks. “You happened to accidentally run into a person you literally married when you were a kid and you fell back in love with him in an instant, I’d like to see something you would consider to be a clearer sign than that, that proves it’s meant to be!”

Grantaire brushed his friend’s hands off and shrugged. “Okay I guess. This whole thing is just… I can’t quite grasp it yet, I’m sorry. It came so unprepared!”

“We’re for you. If you need any help just talk to us,” Musichetta said gently at his side, placing one hand on his shoulder. He gave her a quick smile.


	8. Chapter 8

About five days later Grantaire was once again on his was to pay Courfeyrac a visit. It was already late in the evening and it was almost fully dark outside.

They had texted a little in the meantime, Courfeyrac had resigned from making a plan pretty quickly and instead tried squeezing any helpful information out of Enj. He said he didn’t want to make anything up without Grantaire’s approval.

Meanwhile Grantaire nervously fumbled around with a piece of paper he carried in his bag. It was a drawing, only an etching, but he had put his heart into it.

It portrayed the scene from years ago, as accurate as Grantaire remembered it. He didn't completely recall the dresses or the room around, but he still remembered Enjolras clear as day. It would be enough to be recognizable, he was sure.

The closer he got to the building the more nervous he got. He didn’t know he was even capable of feeling so on edge. He felt sick. Gosh, this wasn’t even a date or anything, he wasn’t even officially here for Enjolras, he was just… visiting a friend who happened to be the flat mate of the most beautiful man in the entire world.

In front of the door he stopped and took another deep breath. He checked his hair in the front camera of his phone, since he had actually brushed it for once. It felt strange, being so… clean. Yet he felt like this was a necessary step to take. He didn’t want to mess anything up by making a bad third impression.

Finally, he got it over himself to ring the doorbell. The door opened, leading him into the familiar hallway. He went up the steps, staring at his hands. It felt different, being here, with that knowledge. That knowledge that the person it mainly regarded didn’t possess.

Or perhaps he suspected something? But Grantaire’s appearance had changed a lot since back then. His nose was crooked, his hair was darker and scruffier. No more baby fat on his cheeks, no more unwrinkled skin next to his eyes where crow’s feet were just starting to form.

In case Enjolras really considered it it would certainly not be because of R’s appearance.

He rang the second bell, leaning to the wall next to the door as casual as possible in case anyone other than Courfeyrac or Combeferre opened.

Immediately a pink flush of hair appeared in the doorway and jumped straight into Grantaire’s unprepared arms. He stumbled a little, laughing. “Hey there!”

“Hi R! Finally! I’m so excited!” Courfeyrac squealed, while Grantaire half tugged, half carried him inside.

“Keep it down, goddamnit!” Grantaire said quickly, putting his load down again to slip out of his jacket.

Courfeyrac giggled a little and leaned his back against the wall. “I’m very bad at keeping it down. My voice is just loud, you know?”

R rolled his eyes and put his jacket onto the coat rack before slipping out of his shoes and putting them aside.

“Also, Enjy isn’t even home yet so there’s no reason to keep it down!” Courfeyrac pulled him into the living room by his sleeve.

“Is that him?” Grantaire saw Combeferre bustling around behind the kitchen counter, turning his face to them. When he spotted Grantaire he began to grin. “Ahh, the man of the hour has arrived,” he said with a small chuckle.

Grantaire looked at Courfeyrac with wide eyes. “You told him?!” he gasped and Courf looked up at him with wide, guilty puppy eyes. “I had to tell someone and Ferre is very good at keeping secrets so I thought it wouldn’t be a problem! He might help!”

R sighed, leaning back. “Fine, I guess.”

Combeferre joined them, putting down a big pile of books from the armchair and sitting down. “I swear I won’t tell anyone. And it’s probably best that Courf told me, otherwise he would have started going out on the street shouting it at random strangers,” the taller man chuckled. Grantaire caught a small spark of fond adoration in his eyes while he spoke.

R had to laugh a little. After he sorted out his own love life he would definitely do something about those two.

“So, what’s the plan?” Combeferre asked, leaning forwards with a raised eyebrow and an intrigued grin.

Grantaire sighed, taking the paper out his bag. “I will let him know, but definitely not face to face. I hope you don’t mind if I disappear early tomorrow, I just thought maybe… I slide this under his door and you tell me about what happens afterwards,” he suggested carefully. “I know I’m a huge coward, but-” “Hey, it’s fine,” Courfeyrac said with a sweet smile. “We will update you. Can I see?” He held his hand out.

Grantaire gave him the picture with a slightly embarrassed laugh.

He saw Courfeyrac’s jaw drop. “You drew that?! Are you serious?!” he gasped while Combeferre adjusted his glasses and leaned over.

“Yeah that’s kind of how I make my money I guess,” Grantaire said, running a hand through his hair.

“That’s so cool oh my god-“ Courfeyrac said, clinging to Grantaire’s arm. “And honestly, it’s also kinda hot.”

“Don’t,” Grantaire just rolled his eyes, pushing him away with a chuckle.

There was a noise coming from the hallway and Grantaire held his breath. Oh no. He suddenly started doubting again if he could really do this.

He quickly took the picture back, stuffing it back into his bag just in time to see Enjolras stepping in. He eyed Grantaire with his blue eyes, seemingly frozen in the doorway. Grantaire stared back.

“Hi Enj, you’re home early,” Combeferre broke the silence, standing up and moving over to him.

The blonde’s lips curled into a small snarl. “What is _he_ doing here?”

“Love to see you too,” the words went over Grantaire’s lips smoother than he had expected. He hadn’t even thought about saying anything, it just came out of him.

Enjolras just sighed in frustration, taking Combeferre by the arm and tugging him along. “I want to talk to you about that protest next week, come on.”

Courfeyrac and Grantaire both watched them disappear into a room, then the former one turned to him. “You’re just going to let them wander off?”

R raised an eyebrow at him and chuckled. “Yes, why not?”

“Because… Enjolras and… you do remember what I told you, don’t you? What if Ferre-“ Grantaire started to laugh. “You still believe that?”

Courfeyrac looked at him with a confused expression. “I… yes?”

Grantaire sighed and patted his shoulder. “Courf, believe me, there is nothing going on.”

The other one’s expression now changed to skeptical. He obviously tried to figure something out, eyes narrowed, biting his soft, pink lip. “What do you know that I don’t know?” he asked slowly.

Grantaire met his view with an amused grin. “Who said I knew anything?” he asked, his voice obviously saying that he in fact knew something Courfeyrac didn’t. He wasn’t planning on saying anything, he just wanted to… spice things up a little. Make Courf curious.

“I hate you,” Courfeyrac pouted, leaning his head against R’s shoulder. “So, you draw, hm?”

Grantaire kept being amazed by how quickly Courfeyrac managed to change the topic.

“Yeah. Not too much money in that but it’s enough to get by,” Grantaire sighed, putting an arm around his friend. Courfeyrac giggled, turning to the side so he could put his legs across R’s lap.

“Why though? Your drawing is amazing! I’m sure everything else you draw is too!” He said, ruffling Grantaire’s hair.

R just sighed. “Traditional art is not what the people want nowadays,” he said with a shrug. Courfeyrac sighed. “I would buy it if I had like… any interest in art,” he stopped, obviously thinking. “Wait, I might know someone who has! I can give you their number if you want it, maybeee…”

Grantaire laughed and nodded. “Sure, if you think it might interest them,” he said, lowkey glad. He really didn’t sell a lot lately.

Courfeyrac pulled out his nerve-rackingly pink phone and sent Grantaire a contact. He decided to check it later.

“So, what now?” Grantaire asked and the other one shrugged with a barely audible chuckle. “Whatever you want,” Courf said, while he very lightly ran a finger along the side of R’s neck.

He shivered and pushed the hand back. “Noo!”

Courfeyrac began to smirk. “You’re ticklish, hm?” Before Grantaire could react the other one already had both his hands under R’s shirt.

He let out a not very manly scream and immediately tried to curl up into a ball. Courfeyrac laughed out loud, trapping Grantaire’s body underneath him and continued to tickle him. “That doesn’t seem like you,” Courf giggled.

Grantaire somehow managed to roll both of them off the couch onto the ground. Courfeyrac had an unexpected strength to him but Grantaire still managed to turn them around, now he being the one attacking and the smaller one squirming underneath him, trying to escape.

“Next time better think who you’re picking the fight with!” he growled amusedly, pinning the boys hands down above his head.

“Stop oh my god R, please-“ Courfeyrac squeaked, interrupted by his own violent laughter.

“First you apologize for making me voice a noise like the one I just made, then I’ll think about it,” Grantaire chuckled, using his one free hand to tickle Courfeyrac’s side which had been bared from under his baby blue hoodie.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, stop, please!” The other one let out another breathless, giggling screech until Grantaire finally let go of him.

They both needed a moment to catch their breath, Courfeyrac wiping a tear off his cheek, still laughing. “Damn I hate you,” the boy chuckled and Grantaire rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Courfeyrac cupped R’s cheek in his hand, finally having gathered himself again. “Hey, can I… try something?” he asked slowly. Something in his gaze had changed all of a sudden. Grantaire raised an eyebrow, still grinning. “Sure, whatever.”

The smaller one bit his lip, apology in his eyes. “Just… don’t be mad at me.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to see here once again, just an anxious little Grantaire

Slowly and carefully Courfeyrac pulled him down, placing a hesitant and light kiss on the other one’s lips. It was gentle, almost loving. The kind of kiss that carries a lot of meaning if it happens between the right people, that expresses every emotion within both, every little fear, every little hope. Yet Grantaire knew that this one was far from meaningful. The warmth in it felt wrong, like a façade or a wish so desperate that it creates an illusion of something that can never be.

There was a heavy silence when they parted again after only a second or two, Courfeyrac’s fingertips still lingering on Grantaire’s cheek, his blueish eyes anxiously looking up at him, scanning him, every breath he took, every blink of his eyes.

When R noticed there wouldn’t be anything coming out of Courf’s mouth anytime soon out of his own initiative, he cleared his throat. “So? What was that for?” Grantaire asked with a warm smile. Something was troubling the other one, he could see it in his eyes.

Courfeyrac let out a deep sigh and shook his head, seemingly more at himself and the thoughts invading his mind than at Grantaire. “I… no, I’m just a little out of it at the moment, just forget this.”

He stood up and adjusted his hoodie just in time for Combeferre and Enjolras to come back into the room. Grantaire sat back down on the couch.

“Are you alright? We heard some noise.” Combeferre chuckled, looking back and forth between the two.

Grantaire couldn’t help but to feel a little pang of guilt in his heart. He knew the kiss hadn’t been meant for him and he knew that Courfeyrac knew it too, but now he felt like there was something in the air.

He looked at Courf. His face was different. On his lips was the usual, cheerful smile and his eyes still had a bright spark in them, but something was unlike before. Whatever switch this kiss had just flipped, it was obviously just about to drive Courf insane. But he was very good at hiding it.

“Oh, of course we are alright and no, Enj, nothing forbidden happened in your precious living room, promise,” Courfeyrac smiled brightly, walking past Enjolras and patting his shoulder.

The blonde one made a small noise that almost sounded like the beginning of a laugh, just a small gust of air escaping his lungs, but Grantaire felt like melting. It was the closest to a laugh he had ever seen him come. No, he remembered that that wasn’t quite true!

He suddenly managed to recall what he was initially here for and reality hit him like a punch straight to his face. It was him! It was the same person as-

He had to look away in order to not stop breathing or to make any kind of astonished noise, his heart beating fast. All his memories flashed in front of his eyes. “Are we soulmates?” he could basically hear it, the little voice speaking this little question. The fond look, the innocent smile. He almost repeated it out loud, but he managed to restrain himself.

“Grantaire?” he heard someone ask and he quickly looked up again. “What?”

“Are you hungry? We could go and get something,” Combeferre said, shooting him a quick, meaningful glance.

“Uhh, sure, why not,” he said and then he saw Combeferre turning to Courfeyrac. “Let’s go and get something then.” Enjolras gasped. “But you always take _me_ with you!” 

“Well, if the two of us are out of the flat, then who will watch over what these two do and where they do it? And if you and Courf go you will forget half of the entire order, so, you stay with Grantaire while Courfeyrac and I get the food,” Combeferre said with a shrug. Grantaire blinked in bafflement. They were leaving him alone with Enjolras?!

“Why don’t you just go alone though,” Courfeyrac suggested. He sounded slightly nervous. Why was he nervous?

“Come on, I can’t carry everything on my own,” Combeferre laughed, elbowing the smaller one slightly. Courfeyrac laughed a little and nodded quickly, Grantaire could see him take a deep breath by the way his shoulders rose and fell. “Fine, I’ll come along.”

About ten minutes later they left the flat and silence took over the room.

Grantaire half expected for Enjolras to just leave and wait in his room for the two to return, but instead he sat down on one of the red stools, eyeing Grantaire.

“So?” Enjolras asked. Grantaire took a deep breath, tilting his head questioningly. “So?” he echoed.

“What do you want from Courf? Rare to see people actually coming back here,” Enjolras snarled, crossing his arms.

Grantaire laughed. He didn’t feel like laughing, yet it just came out of him. “Oh, I don’t want anything from him! We became friends so it’s only natural for me to show up here once in a while.”

He felt the other ones glare rest on him a little longer before he turned away. “Okay,” he said. It sounded a lot friendlier than Grantaire had expected.

“Okay?” R asked, irritation in his voice.

“Are you just going to repeat everything I say?” Enjolras asked. There it was again, the slight hint of a chuckle that drove Grantaire nearly insane.

Grantaire shook his head quickly. “Sorry, I was just confused, you- okay? Is that all?” he asked, laughing a little.

Enjolras turned back from staring off into the kitchen. “Yeah. You said you were friends with Courfeyrac and I guess I believe you, so,” he shrugged.

Grantaire just stared at him, his mind going blank once again. “Okay,” he managed to stammer out.

He didn’t know. He really didn’t know anything of the things Grantaire knew. What would he say if he knew? What was he going to say _when_ he knew? What if he never wanted to speak a word to R again afterwards? What if this was the last he saw of him today? What if he disappeared… just like before?

He felt doubt creeping up inside him. Should he really do this? Should he really give him this picture? What if he was taken too much by surprise by that? It was so suddenly he was probably not even thinking of that anymore or- no, Courfeyrac had said that he was still thinking of it, right? He would know, he was Enjolras’ friend!

He took a deep breath and calmed himself down again.

“So, uhm, Enjolras… what do you do? Like, as in work?” He asked, trying to keep his cool.

“I’m in my last year of university now. Law,” he explained. “But I’m also taking evening shifts at a nearby café.”

Grantaire nodded, listening to all of his words in fascination. “That’s amazing! Is it hard?” he asked, leaning on the back rest of the couch.

Enjolras shrugged. “It’s alright. A little stressful.”

R nodded in sympathy. “I’m glad I never went to university. I would have died,” he joked, carefully scanning Enjolras’ reaction.

He raised an eyebrow, his expression cool as ever. “Lazy, hm? Maybe it would have done you good,” he said in a lowkey snappish voice.

Grantaire raised his hands defensively and chuckled. “It was a joke, Apollo, calm down,” he grinned. “Don’t call me that!” he said offendedly. Grantaire recognized the tone way better than he thought he could have. It still had a hint of that childish voice of his’ in it when he talked as huffy.

Enjolras stood up from his seat and looked at the clock on the wall. “I have some stuff to do, so… just don’t steal anything, okay?” he sighed, making his way to the corridor leading to the rooms.

“Do I look this desperate?” Grantaire laughed, a bit disappointed to see him leave already. But at least he had gotten a chance to talk to him without anything escalating.

He saw Enjolras take a look over his shoulder at him and the corner of his mouth lifting into the slightest hint of a smile before he disappeared into a room.

Grantaire sighed, leaning back on the couch, started playing a senseless game on his phone and waiting for the other two to return. Every passing minute he got more nervous about what was to happen later.

It took the other two about half an hour to get back, which was quite a lot, R thought, since he had seen plenty of restaurants on his way there. But they probably had just been delayed by something, maybe some relative crossing their path talking their ear off. 

When he heard the door opened he put his phone aside and got up. “There you are,” he said with a slight grin.

“Yeah, sorry we took so long. Hope the food didn’t get cold,” Courfeyrac said, putting two bags down on a table. “How did it go?” he then asked, quieter, so no one outside the room could hear.

Grantaire just gave him a thumbs up and Courfeyrac grinned in satisfaction. Whatever had overcome him before the two left to get food had seemingly disappeared without a trace again.

They ate together and spent about two more hours just sitting at the table, talking about anything coming to their minds.

They went to bed just a little while later, but Grantaire didn’t manage to close his eyes just once. He listened to Courfeyrac breathing next to him, calm and rhythmical. He listened to the silent flat, trying to make out any little sound that might tell him Enjolras was still awake. He was utterly scared to run into him on his way out.

He wanted to do it now, in the night, just to be safe. His alarm was set to six in the morning, but he was too scared Enjolras might hear it through the wall and wake up.

Around midnight he heard steps in the hallway and he bit his lip. He was about ninety percent sure these steps had been Combeferre’s, but as long as there was a tiny chance that his mind was playing tricks on him he wasn’t going to risk it. So even more waiting.

“R? Are you up?” He heard a whisper next to his ear a little while later. “No,” Grantaire murmured back and Courfeyrac giggled slightly. “Idiot,” he said, slowly sitting up.

“What are you doing?” Grantaire blinked at him, running both his hands through his hair.

“Just going to the bathroom, I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he sighed, crawling across Grantaire and leaving the room, leaving the door open for just a gap.

R rolled over, now closing his eyes, listening to the slow ticking of the clock up on the wall.

The minutes passed and when Courfeyrac didn’t return Grantaire rubbed his eyes and now left the warm comfort of the blanket as well. It wouldn’t hurt to risk a quick look, right? Maybe he had luck and the door to Enj’s room was open so he could see if he indeed was asleep.

He could finish his plan and see if Courfeyrac was still alive somewhere around the flat in just one go.

Grantaire got up, lighting the way using the flashlight of his phone. He grabbed his bag from next to the door and took another look at the picture. Something was missing, he thought. It still seemed a little bit… unfinished.

He took it to Courfeyrac’s desk and picked up a pencil he found lying in between a few rolls of colored tape and some scissors. He had been cutting out pictures, assembling them to a small collage of him and his two flatmates. He stared at it for a few moments until he turned back to the drawing.

He sighed and made a few adjustments, then he signed the picture with a big, curved “R”. He hadn’t done it before. He was scared that it might make it more obvious, even though it would have been just as recognizable without. Now it added a more personal note to it, which seemed… right.

After inspecting it for a little while longer he gathered himself and made his way to the door.

He stepped into the hallway, looking around. There was a dim light coming from the living room, but he decided to check whatever Courfeyrac was doing now after he was done.

Enjolras’ door was closed this time, but Grantaire remembered way too well which one it was. He had his hand on the handle, but he pulled it back as if he had gotten an electric shock.

What was he even doing? Did he really want to just break into his room in the middle of the night? Enjolras was definitely going to snap his neck if he saw him creeping around in his room.

Grantaire bit his lip nervously and got down to his knees, slipping the painting underneath the door into the room just as he had planned. He took a deep breath. It was gone now and there was nothing to be done about it. He couldn’t pull back now.

Now he just had to get out as soon as possible. He couldn’t risk Enjolras waking up for any reason now and seeing him around, he definitely didn’t feel ready for this confrontation yet.

He went out into the living room, immediately looking towards the source of light. Only one of the lamps in the kitchen was one, one of the kinds underneath the cupboards, illuminating the countertop so you could see better where your hands were going while cutting vegetables.

He couldn’t help but to observe the scene for a little while, slowly feeling his heartbeat calming down again and his clenched jaw relaxing.

The two shadows seemed to be merging into one, clasped together, gentle hands stroking locks of hair. A voice, dark and smooth as honey, whispering, interrupted by a silent giggle, the giggle being interrupted by a soft hum.

Grantaire rolled his eyes, walking across the room as silent as possible, but he didn’t succeed at escaping unnoticed.

“Grantaire?” he heard Combeferre whisper, just loud enough that he could hear.

“Oh, don’t mind me,” Grantaire chuckled quietly, looking over at the two.

Courfeyrac turned his head, sliding down from the counter he had been sitting on. “Already leaving?” He asked while turning on the ceiling light.

Grantaire nodded. “I couldn’t sleep anyways but… guess you can relate, hm?”

Courfeyrac let out a breathy laugh. His cheeks were reddened and his hair messy, held back by a bobby pin that looked as if it was barely holding on.

Grantaire shook his head and chuckled, then went into the hallway to put on his shoes and jacket, the two following him.

As he opened the door, he turned back to them with a small smile. “I’m happy for you guys, but don’t forget to send me a detailed report tomorrow.”

“Never,” Combeferre said with a slightly embarrassed smile. “And thanks for everything.”

Without another word Grantaire left the flat and went on his way home.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!Trigger warnings: Anxiety, alcoholism (mentioned), swearing
> 
> Aka. watch how fast people in my writing explode and then get it together only a paragraph later

Grantaire managed to get about four hours of sleep before being woken up by his alarm at six which he had forgotten to put out the night before. He checked his phone in an instant for new messages in case a miracle had happened and Enjolras was up already.

There was nothing. He spent about ten minutes staring at the blank screen, then he got up and made himself a cup of coffee.

He spent about four hours on the couch, sketching the morning away while frantically checking his phone every two minutes, until Courfeyrac’s first text arrived. He had finished a considerable amount of sketches but he didn’t seem to be able to draw anything but the person taking up his entire mind for the last few days.

The buzzing of his phone finally got him out of his daydreams. He threw the pen aside, unlocking his phone in an instant and tapping on Courfeyrac’s chat.

The first text said: “I have discovered an interesting thing about Enjolras”

Grantaire held his breath, curling up on the couch. “What?” he typed, faster than he had even thought possible.

“Apparently, as soon as he feels any emotion strong enough, no matter what it is, he immediately turns it into violent anger” read the second text, followed by a few laughing emojis.

Anger. Why was he angry? Did he make him angry? This was bad, right? Very bad!

Next came “He has been screaming at me for like 10 minutes istg this boy” and “If he keeps going he will most definitely cry”, then there was no response anymore for a few minutes.

Grantaire took a deep breath and got up, walking a few nervous circles around the table. What would he give to be with him right now. He just wanted to be there, calming him.

A few minutes later that Grantaire spent bustling in his flat, the next text arrived. It read “He said if you don’t immediately move your ass over here he’s going to kill you. Also he uses a looot of swear words. Contextless. Also he keeps saying what the actual hell. I think you broke him lol”

“Is he alright though?” he texted back, nervously biting his lip. “Like, does he hate me? Did he say anything like I never want to see his face again or something like that?”

“No no I think he just needs a moment. I’ll be back in a sec” Courf texted back. Then there were no replies anymore and Grantaire kept getting more nervous by the second.

Was it normal to react to something like that as extremely? Wouldn’t every other person have just laughed a bit about the old times and then accepted that, apparently, they found each other again? Why did this feel so… important? Was he just getting worked up about this more than he should? Or did they indeed make a bond back then that connected them to each other for the rest of their life? But Grantaire had moved on, hadn’t he? He had almost forgotten about all of this happening before Enjolras came back, so why now, why this strong?

He started sketching again, occasionally texting Courfeyrac things like “I’m sorry” and “Do you think this was a mistake?” and “What happens now?”, but without receiving a reply.

And the longer he went on like that, sketching, then throwing the paper away, insecure and uncertain, nervously glancing at his phone every ten seconds, the more he felt this feeling overwhelming him.

He became convinced it was a mistake. What did he expect?! For Enjolras to show up at his door telling him that he loved him or something like that? Gosh he was a total stranger for this man! Their past connection didn’t mean anything! And now he probably just thought R was a huge weirdo, a creep, someone who ruthlessly came back into his life destined to bring it all out of order.

He decided not to dig deeper until there was any clear sign that this had been the right thing to do. Just one more sign. One more.

That sign took a total of three months to come.

For three months, R sat at home, trying desperately not to think of the one that haunted every dream of his’. With every time he thought of him he got more scared. With every time he thought of him he missed him more.

For three months, he could do nothing than getting lost in his own thoughts more and more every passing day.

The only good thing about it was that Grantaire painted more than ever. He finished painting after painting with seemingly no end because it was the only way for him to somehow get away from the whirlwind that was his mind.

He still texted Courfeyrac, but only once in a while. Apparently, him and Combeferre had become a long-time thing. He was happy for them, of course, but he was not in the right state of mind to engage in it.

He didn’t leave the house a lot anyways, but it had become even less now. He went out to buy new paint since his preferred paint wasn’t purchasable online and occasionally to buy groceries, but most of the time he just ordered something to his flat. He was slowly but surely going to pot.

Three months. But to him it felt like an eternity.

Until one day he stepped out for new paint and canvases and maybe some other things he happened to come across.

He certainly didn’t expect any interferences to happen while he was strolling through the art store at the mall, especially not such that would start screaming at him.

“You goddamn asshole!”

The enraged scream right next to him and the stomping footsteps coming right towards him made him drop the package of brushes he was holding and freeze in place.

“You idiot!” the voice kept going and someone shoved him into the side. “How dare you just… urgh!”

“Umm… I…” Grantaire needed a moment to gather himself as well as his balance and to realize the situation. Even though he would have recognized that blond hair anywhere it still took him a few seconds of asking himself ‘Is that-? Is it really-?’

“You can’t just come into my house and- and act as if there was nothing on your mind and then you go to sleep and then you just disappear and leave me with this and- and you- why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Enjolras, I-“ Grantaire gasped, trying to escape from the other one who had started banging his fists against his chest. Not hard or brutal, more… desperate.

“Can you even imagine how I felt?!” the smaller one kept yelling, a wild spark in his eyes. Grantaire felt people staring at them from across the isles.

“Can _you_ imagine how _I_ felt?!” Grantaire replied breathlessly, “I was scared to death! I’ve been living on bread and alcohol for three months now because I was too scared of whatever you might think of me now! After all it was you who disappeared back then so-“

“No! No, no, no! Don’t even attempt to blame that on me! It’s not my goddamn fault my parents moved away with me! I told them I didn’t want to go I told them a thousand times!” Enjolras cried out, stumbling a step back from him. He was trembling, but Grantaire couldn’t tell what from. Anger? Fear?

Someone came walking towards them. Grantaire didn’t even resist when two people started shooing them out of the store, saying they were disturbing other customers. Him and Enjolras just kept yelling at each other.

“You could have told them about me! They would have understood!” Grantaire groaned in frustration. Enjolras let out something like a howl. “I told them and they scolded me for it! God they sent me to an all-girls school because of you! I’m telling you these people went completely insane-”

“Don’t you talk to me about insane parents! So, you had a bad time? Cool, I did too! Like hell I did!” Grantaire growled.

“Oh, don’t pity yourself!” Enjolras hissed and Grantaire was growing horrible close to wrestling him to the ground if there weren’t still the two security guards, holding them by the arm and dragging them out.

Grantaire clenched his jaw. “If no one else ever pities me then I’m doing it myself regardless of if you allow it or not. I don’t need you to tell me what to do!”

“Fuck off, you’re being obnoxious!” Enjolras hissed, staring right at him. His eyes were piercing Grantaire, these gorgeous eyes. He practically felt his gaze.

“I thought you knew that already!” Grantaire stared back at him, anger in his eyes. This man was really driving him absolutely crazy.

They were out the mall now, the guards only speaking a last warning to them before leaving back inside. It was warmer outside now, yet R couldn’t help but shiver a little in the breeze. It cooled his hot head a little. Yet Enjolras seemed to have none of it.

“Of course I knew, but that was what I loved about you!” He half-whined and half-snarled. “Yes goddamnit, I loved you, differently from today because yes I was a damn child but hell we were something special, weren’t we?!” He was now towering in front of Grantaire who had been retreating backwards step by step until his back had hit the wall. He was now trapped between the hot tempered, stupidly gorgeous man and the cold brick wall.

“Wait, I- one second,” Grantaire took a deep breath, staring into the other ones eyes. He was searching for something in them, something that would… enlighten him… in a way. “What did you mean- in what kind of way do you love me today?”

Enjolras slammed his fists down at Grantaire’s chest one more time with an enraged growl before burying his head at the very same place he had hit a second earlier. “God I missed you,” Enjolras said, his voice only hinting at how hard he was clenching his jaw that moment.

Grantaire sighed quietly, very carefully placing one hand on the back of his head, stroking his hair with his thumb. It was soft as silk, shining like a golden halo in the sunlight. “I missed you too.”


	11. Chapter 11

“This is insane,” Enjolras said, glancing up at him through shiny eyes. Grantaire took a deep breath and nodded slowly. “Fucked up, huh? I never thought I’d see you again,” he admitted and Enjolras went back to borrow his forehead into R’s hoodie.

“Fucked up,” the blonde repeated with a slow nod. “Imagine how much easier it all would have been if we had just known each other’s name.” There was a small chuckle which filled Grantaire’s entire body with warmth. He laughed as well. The more he laughed, the more he felt Enjolras start to laugh as well.

This moment felt surreal to him. It felt as if it came straight from a movie or from a sunny dream. It didn’t feel as if it was supposed to happen, yet it felt so right.

They just stood there, embracing each other, and laughed until they went out of air. Ignoring all the people staring at them, ignoring the entire world.

Eventually, Grantaire gently tilted the other ones head up from under his chin, his rough thumb softly brushing over the porcelain smooth skin. He looked into the smaller one's eyes for a moment with a smile before kissing his forehead, for just a second.

He sighed, resting his chin on the top of Enjolras head who chuckled quietly. Crazy, how quickly he had opened up.

The smile vanished when a thought came over him all of a sudden. He sighed quietly. “I'm sorry that I didn't… grow up to be a better man than the one I am today. If I had known I would have another shot with you one day I would have tried a little harder.“

Enjolras looked up at him with something in his gaze R couldn't quite place. “Don't say things like that. You are as good as you're able to be and if you just try a little more each day that's worth a huge lot already.“

Grantaire bit his lip, waiting for the other one to continue. Something in the way he held his breath, the way he blinked, said that he was about to say something but wasn't sure yet if it would be appropriate.

“What are you thinking about?“ Grantaire pushed him a little into the direction. He saw that there was something on his mind waiting to be said out loud.

Enjolras looked to the side, his cheeks turning the even shade of pink that Grantaire had always adored. “It's a little hilarious, I just thought about, that… I mean it wasn't a real relationship back then, but I mean, uhh, I guess we… never really broke up?“

Grantaire held his breath for a second. “You mean we're a couple… after all?“ he asked quietly. He almost felt his heart skip a beat.

Could he ever… want to be with him? And even if, would he ever… would he be able to bear Grantaire for longer than all the others had?

He anxiously waited for the other who seemingly considered his answer thoroughly to respond in any kind of way.

Enjolras nervously chewed on his lip. “I guess…? I mean if you… if you, uh,“ he stammered slowly, looking down to the ground.

“I am a lot to handle though,” Grantaire said with a small chuckle of relief. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

“Bold of you to assume that I’m not worse,” Enjolras said. There is was again, that fiery, challenging spark in his eyes. “I’m a demon and I’m not afraid to admit it.”

Grantaire started to grin again. “You look more like an angel to me though,” he murmured and allowed himself a playful wink. Enjolras was visibly startled, he chuckled quietly and blushed again.

“You are the worst, R!” Enjolras rolled his eyes, leaning against the other man once again. Grantaire sighed with a small smile on his lips. His friends called him R all the time, but it was different when Enjolras did it. It felt so much deeper.

He kept stroking the other ones hair with a smile. “You decided to put up with me again now don’t start complaining right away!” Enjolras rolled his eyes again. “That’s one of the few things about me that didn’t change ever since I exist: I just love complaining.”

“It suits you,” Grantaire chuckled and Enjolras gave him a short glare. “What’s that supposed to mean?!” R shrugged. “You find that out on your own.”

There was a short pause until Enjolras spoke again. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. It happens a lot when I’m too… overwhelmed.“

Grantaire raised an eyebrow and grinned. That was utterly cute. “I’m sorry I yelled back and we got thrown out of the mall because of it.”

Enjolras just snorted. “If I had a cent for every time I got thrown out somewhere…” “We have a similarity then,” Grantaire chuckled, slowly letting go of Enjolras to sit down on the cold ground.

“I assume this characteristic we share is going to get even worse when we’re together, huh?” Enjolras asked, sitting down next to him and leaning his head against Grantaire’s shoulder. “I guess. I mean it already happened after we have been exposed to each other for just a minute, so,” he felt Enjolras laugh against his shoulder. Damn he sure laughed a lot once his shell was cracked.

“True,” Grantaire smiled. He couldn’t even care less about it. He would do it all again, just like that.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just appreciating each other’s presence. There was no need for words.

A little while later Enjolras broke the silence again with something that had apparently kept him thinking a lot before.

“How did you find out? You know, that it was me? I’m not exactly who I was back then,” he asked quietly, looking up at him with questioningly glittering eyes.

“A good mix of suspicion, Google and Courfeyrac,” Grantaire answered with a laugh. “I will tell you the whole story some other time, when we’re not on the ground risking a serious bladder infection.”

“You’re such a mood killer,” Enjolras nagged, but with a smile.

“I love you too,” Grantaire said with a laugh, putting an arm around the other mans shoulders. Enjolras was leaning closer into him with a sigh, the red on his cheeks darkening a little, looking up at Grantaire with the gentlest smile he had ever seen.

He would have died for this rosy shade of pink on Enjolras’ cheeks. He would have died to pick up a brush right now and draw this picture-perfect view in front of him. He would have died for a chance to look at Enjolras and only Enjolras for the entire rest of his life. Just freeze this moment, stay in it forever, away from any problem, and any harm, just explore this beautiful face with his eyes for an eternity. Every small pore, every little dimple, every tiny crack on these gorgeous, pink lips, every single lash… he got utterly lost in this view. It was so pure, so divine…

Grantaire swore to himself that this time, he would do better. He would give his heart and his soul to make this work out, because it was right. He would give everything in his power to become a man the love of his life would be proud of. Someone Enjolras would gaze at from a distance with a loving smile, whispering to himself ‘I can’t believe how lucky I am’. He would leave the past in the past and start living in the present, because finally the present had given him something it was worth living for.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one and kind of more of an epilogue to all this! I really hope you liked it :)  
> Had to rush the edit a little so I'm sorry if there's still bits inside that don't sound too well...

“And that’s the whole story, I guess! Hey, I saw that, stop wiping your eyes, right now! This is a wedding, not a funeral!” Grantaire laughed, shooting Bossuet who sat at a nearby table with Joly and Musichetta an amused look.

“Come on, let the boy cry if that’s what he needs.”

Grantaire turned his head towards the one standing next to him. There was a gentle smile on Enjolras’ lips as he raised his glass towards the rest of the room. Grantaire did the same, even though he had a hard time not gazing at his husband.

There were cheers erupting all around and someone whistled in the back of the bright hall. There were beautiful festoons everywhere, the columns at the sides of the room were decorated with fairy lights that dipped the room into a beautiful, golden light. Guests were standing up, clapping their hands, some laughing, some trying to hide a tear or two, but all with a huge smile on their faces.

“They act as if they heard the story for the first time,” Enjolras whispered next to him and Grantaire laughed. He was fully aware that in the past three years there wasn’t one person he met that wasn’t forced to listen to the entire story of how he met his soulmate. With every little detail.

People enjoyed the story though, so it never was a big deal to anyone, even though Enjolras couldn’t stop to joke about it occasionally.

He looked at his husband again. He looked so happy, as if there wasn’t one thing in the whole wide world able to get to him now. His hair as golden as ever, contrasting his dark red suit in an almost royal looking way – even though he would have hated it if Grantaire told him that.

Grantaire still couldn’t believe how he ended up this lucky.

“Imagine we had known back then that we would marry for real,” he smiled, taking a sip of the bubbly fluid inside his glass, scanning the room with his eyes.

“But no dresses this time,” Enjolras said and Grantaire nodded. “Thank god, no dresses. As fun as it was, it felt a little weird,” he said. He thought back of that day with a fond smile on his face.

He saw someone coming over to them. It was Courfeyrac, dragging Combeferre along by his hand. “Hey, you keep telling that story better and better, but I have to complain that you always leave out the part where it got spicy between us,” Courf pouted and Combeferre rolled his eyes in fond adoration behind him.

“That’s something no one needs to know,” Grantaire laughed.

“Hey, it’s really important for the storyline!” Courfeyrac said offendedly and crossed his arms. “I might bring it in in future retellings,” Grantaire said while leaning back on his chair.

The other man giggled. “Thank you! I just crave my daily dose of attention! Anyways, I need to get rid of my own fiancé here for a while, he’s starting to make science puns again. So, Enj, what do you say? Trade your man for mine for a while?”

“Fine, but only a few minutes,” Enjolras laughed, then pressing one last kiss to Grantaire’s lips and getting up.

“Guess it’s time to once again be exposed to the nosy questions of the mass,” he sighed to himself, linking arms with Combeferre and disappearing between the tables. Courfeyrac sat down on Enjolras’ seat.

He leaned over dangerously close to Grantaire for a second, whispering right into his ear. “Ready to get a special wedding present by Combeferre and me?”

“Courf, I swear, if this is a glittery pink whip again you’re dead,” Grantaire laughed while Courfeyrac pulled out a small box from his pocket.

“Oh, that thing definitely was in a different place than when you got it last time I saw it, you can just admit that it turned out useful,” Courf grinned, suggestively raising an eyebrow. Grantaire sighed in amusement. “That’s really off the point. Now, what do you have there?”

“Open it,” the other one advised, passing over the box to Grantaire.

He pulled open the red bow around it and carefully opened the box. There was a key inside. He looked up at Courfeyrac. “No way,” he gasped.

“We thought the apartment was getting a little cramped lately,” Courf smiled, studying Grantaire’s face thoroughly.

He shook his head. “You can’t be serious?!”

“Oh, I am. My parents gave that house to me by will but Ferre and I would rather stay in the city. It’s not far though, so don’t worry, but we figured you might like it,” he smiled his usual, joyful smile. It was infectious.

“You’re kidding!” Grantaire said a little overwhelmed, staring at the key in his hands.

“The only thing I ask in return is that you come visit us! A lot! A huge lot! Because it will definitely be lonely without you around!” Courf said and Grantaire leaned over to hug him.

“Thank you, Courf. Where would I be without you?” R sighed with a huge smile.

“Definitely not here, that much is for sure!” he giggled, before letting go again. “Oh, right, I wanted Ferre to try one of these cupcakes that are left from the buffet, I better go before they’re all gone!” He stood up again. “Don’t forget to tell Enj the news! Surprise him!” Courfeyrac grinned his pearly white grin and disappeared again.

Grantaire had to laugh to himself a little before getting up on his own. He downed his glass and then made his way over to Enjolras who was trapped in a small mass of people which Grantaire clearly recognized to be his cousins. “Excuse me,” he asked with a charming smile, “may I borrow this stunningly handsome man there for a while?”

Enjolras rolled his eyes, making his way out of the people and into Grantaire’s arm. “Please do, I can’t stand all these questions,” Enj sighed. Grantaire just silently held up the key he had gotten from Courf, watching Enjolras’ expression go from confused to completely blown away.

“No way! I told Courf not to do that, oh god, that little-“ “Shh, what did we say about random bursts of anger at the wedding?” he interrupted Enjolras who rolled his eyes at him for a second, then started to catch himself again. “I guess we better thank him then,” he said with a slight smile. Grantaire nodded. “Definitely.”

“Come on guys, dance with us!” Joly had popped up next to them, pulling R with him by the sleeve, who quickly held on to Enjolras, making him stumble along.

They danced in a circle with Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta for a while, from time to time adding people to their round while other ones left again. Some time later just the two of them were left, surrounded by more dancing couples, swaying to the sounds of a slow song.

Grantaire sighed, looking at his husband with loving eyes. “Now, let’s hope you don’t regret this,” he said quietly. Enjolras looked up at him with gentle smile. “Why would I?”

“After all, there’s a lot of things that still need fixing,” he said, looking to the side.

Enjolras turned his head back with one hand on his cheek, kissing him on the lips for a few seconds. When he pulled away he sighed, a gentle expression on his face.

“I know. I will need a lot of time for myself as well. But after all, I fell in love with you, and everything you are. If everything you are is a broken piece than I will cherish that broken piece and will help you smooth out the edges. There is always room for growth, so let us grow together.”


End file.
